I've been working so hard but not meeting the line I wish

      I know every event in my life has shaped me, for the good and bad. But those moments sometimes unfortunately, I take with me where ever I go, to whom ever I meet. It is a constant struggle to fight any event in your life that you wish not to affect you. My therapist told me you have to replace bad events and memories with positive ones. For example, if you are afraid of dogs from being scared by one in the past some how (in person on tv you name it), you need to replace that event with a positive experience such as a safe and happy experience with a sweet puppy.

      Right now I am working on replacing bad relationship experiences/ events from all sorts of people from family, significant others, co-workers, friends and even just random people you meet for just a moment in public. I have been trying to form better relationships through better communication, but I have found it to be very difficult. You may think you are communicating very very clearly, and attending to all of the others needs in your statement, but if the other person does not take it that way, it really does not matter at all what you said. The event might not go the direction you wish it too. This has been so frustrating but more it saddens me. I don't want to hurt anyone else, I was and am specifically trying to communicate as best as I can for the best out come, yet I can not read their mind and figure out before hand what mood they are in, if they are in a powerful or not powerful place of mind, and how they will take even a simplest most direct form of communication.

      Everyone has their own interpretation of EVERYTHING. I believe this is one of the sources of conflict. Two people may really agree on an issue, but they can not understand each others communication due to interpretation and reading into "what the other is really saying" if that is even the case.

      I just had an event like this with a very important person in my life. I was trying so very hard to communicate "properly" as that is something again I am working on, and this other person is supposed to be also. But the other person did not even take a moment in my eyes (though see here, I am reading into things which is kinda a no no) to see that their could be a miss communication. When I said their was a miss communication the person did not really believe me. This was heart breaking due to the content of the conversation and its impact on the other persons feelings expressed. I had no clue what to do. I had felt and still feel I did nothing wrong. I say next time I will try my best again to communicate in a way more adapted to this other persons "needs" which I believe are emotional.

      With this said, I think almost every conversation we have in life is some how misconstrued. Inflection, body language, tone, choice of words, and even apparently length of communication can disrupt a clear connection amongst many other things! I hope I better learn how to communicate along with the world as a whole. I believe "proper" communication can even and has saved lives. Think about peace treaties etc that have saved thousands and thousands of lives. All through the use of words. Very specific and well chosen words that were well excepted by ALL parties of the communication. If even just one of a communication phone line goes down, it creates a very unstable road leaving the rest of the communication balancing on an uneasy surface with potholes or worse, fear of total collapse.