More Than Thank You

This is a message stating that I am much more than thankful for the help, donations and awareness that was created over this weekend. It was beautiful and powerful even with major computer difficulties. All of you are troopers and givers. Please recognize yourself everyday for that. You have helped to change the world one day at a time. It is a blessing to me to be a part of this foundation, as I stated many times last night? (it feels like last night for me but was also Friday!) this is a people problem, and we need to come together to work on it now. You all have stepped up and with your actions said I am doing something about it, and that, that is what makes change, and what makes me cry tears of joy.

I remember when I was a "fresh" survivor I searched on the internet for hours for any sort of help, and in the first couple years I found little. Now someone can type in a simple search and probably find the Angela Shelton Foundation; Survivor Manual; and the Army of Angels. This is has and will change lives, including our own lives even more so from helping organizations that we truly believe in. I am so beyond happy to know that the ASF is here, and with our work here to stay. Remember when we discussed if someone was watching and they were currently being abused children and adults - one of you said what would it be like to help just one person tonight? Well I will tell you that we might have and that would be more than amazing, but with the donations (and those who help those donations become a reality) we are helping people 24 hours a day 7 days a week 365. Cool right? But we can't stop here, we have so many great ideas and with the power and light of the people associated with the foundation, who knows what I can do? What can we do next and how can we improve what we have?

I <3 you all and don't forget my web hugs. They are authentic. <3 ~Sydney Smith

Open our eyes to all Angela Shelton Foundation Hour 5

Open your eyes to the world around you. There is joy, sorrow, pain, health, happiness, love, hate. It is your choice to let in what you wish into your life most of the time. Sometimes, it is forced upon us in such cases as rape, violence and abuse of all kinds, but what is most important is how we handle it in the end.

For so long I blamed myself, then I blamed my family then I blamed myself again, then the world, and all at the same time men (MEN ARE RAPED TOO!!!) but through my healing years at least 7 now, I have finally come to realize it is not about who is to blame or really why. It is what I do with it. If I choose to sit on my butt and point fingers am I actually moving any where? Well I tried that and it did not work. Then I decided to give up, but then that got overwhelming (yes doing nothing can be overwhelming) and I knew I had to change something. Then I blamed someone or something or myself again and again until I had blamed all alive. That was when I was at the bottom.... scrapping for any hope. I then was litterally hopeless. Luckily for me I had a special package coming in the mail for me from a fellow survivor of horror.

Angela Shelton Foundation Hour 3

Angela Shelton Foundation Month Long Blog-a-thon


Title: I'm more than good enough!
Post photography by: Steven Shires | Pixel Pro Shop


Please donate $ to the Angela Shelton Foundation if you get anything from this or any of my other articles this month-July 10th! Thank you. Click here to donate! To see Angela Shelton's private website click here.


Dear survivor of;


(The not so pleasant things)

• 1. The western's world pressure on women to be thin and beautiful, and sexy 24-7
• 2. Physical disabilities
• 3. Emotional disorders (most caused by something listed later or society)
• 4. Graduating from a semi-broken University
• 5. Having family (a wonderful one though) that lacked emotional output as in hugs frequently
• 6. Learning disabilities that were never tested and treated until I requested it in college after my difficult math course because I could tell no one was having as much difficultly as me and I was also flipping numbers. Also my professor said that I might have a LD so I should get tested and be extra careful on exams esp. until then :p. I was only able to be tested after that course was over and I was at least 1+ standard deviations away from my IQ! 112-124?= IQ while Math= 75 which is or one point away from MR! 
• 7. Being in an abusive relationship for too long. It wasn't even that long but then their was the aftermath. 
• 8. In this abusive relationship, the physical abuse
• 9. In this abusive relationship, the emotional abuse like I am stupid when he was the stupid one 
• 10. In this abusive relationship, the still hard to even type sexual abuse and r word, rape. I said it. good for me! 

The point here is I SURVIVED IT AND...

(Pleasant things..)

• 1. I am actually pretty
• 2. I am not "fat"
• 3. Someone in the world cares or is affected by something I do
• 4. I am loved... I am loved... I am loved (creating new neuro pathways hehe ;D)
• 5. I love that I have a family that cares a lot about me
• 6. I am an Artist
• 7. I love having my sever chronic pain managed somewhat for the moment
• 8. I love having a partner/ significant other/bf that cares a lot about me
• 9. I love my ability to connect with animals
• 10. I love that I know I have LIGHT inside me that will never ever go away, that will always be there even if I don't feel it, that I can always work to rekindle my light, and help others find their light that they have that also will never go away even if they think they have never felt it before.
• 11. I enjoy friendships even when I feel horrible for not having enough time for them. 
• 12. I love horseback riding and the feeling of connection between myself and the horse. Also the independence and freedom once in the saddle. <3
• 13. I love Mother Earth
• 14. I love that I know I have already LOVED much not mention and I love that I know that I will LOVE MUCH MORE!

      That is the past, I have faced it head on, eye to eye, heart to heart. I've dived deep down into my past's soul and come out not just SURVIVING but THRIVING.        ~YES THRIVING!!!!!

      This achievement in my life that I once felt was a personal disaster happened due to the following people and organizations in order by date: My boy friend, my (good) counselors, my University's women's center, TBTN, The Clothesline Project, Angela Shelton, some of my Professors, The Glass Breaking Project, Army of Angels, and all the other survivors through A.S. and other places. Thank you and others that I did not mention for specific reasons. You have changed a life. I have finally given up somethings that I thought were right if a person tells you so. (ie. Your stupid- from my Abuser). Well I am now free from that, I am "me", whom ever I wish to be! And I am a smart beautiful person ~Sydney Smith

      Consequently now I'm on the search of who I am and want to be now that I am not Stupid, fat and ugly! I'm so excited! I know it won't be easy but I pray I have gone threw the hardest part. I posted this photograph by Steven Shires that he made for AUU. I think this is very representative of what this process is. I'm just trying to climb one mountain at a time..... it should be easier that way and should not be so daunting looking at one compared to the range. Thank you Steven! If anyone would like a print of this photo you can either contact Steven Shires yourself at the website that I have linked in this post or on my coffee lounge. I think it would be nice to have in an office don't you think?!

Angela Shelton Foundation Fundraiser by Angela!

Hello! I wanted to share and or remind all of you that Angela Shelton herself will be online for 24 hours starting at 1pm PT, or 4pm EST TODAY Saturday June 12- June 13th to raise money and awareness for the Angela Shelton Foundation. Next month I will be doing the same thing on July 9th. Its held on Ustream.tv for both events but all you have to do when you are at the site if you don't have the ink is search for our names! Thats easy enough! So this month search for: Angela Shelton -- next month-- Sydney Smith if I find the links I will attach them. <3 you all I hope to see you there!

Its been a while

Hello everyone! Its been a while since I've been back but ...

      Look at the beautiful picture above(top of blog) from Steven Shires from Pixel Pro Shop! I know I say it every time, but as a semi-professional artist, I personally sincerely appreciate Mr. Shires work and his charity to AUU. He made the above for Angels Undercover & Undiscovered as another gift *Note he has already made other photos for AUU so a big Thank you on behalf of AUU to Steven Shires for helping to support our org!

      I've personally been working on my path to wholeness and more. Just last night I signed up for a 10 week class that is supposed to help with a persons commitment to their word. Honestly I do have an issue with this. Many times I will say "I will do something" on the "note that I can always back out if I need to due too"...... my physical disability, panic attacks, anxiety, &/or Angela Shelton live show on Sundays at 12pm PT/ 3pm EST etc *wink. But I know this is not the way I want to continue living my life, but I don't know how to account for those times that I truly cannot make it to commitments I've made due to things that are not in my control. As I learn different ways of thinking and dealing with this issue I will blog about it. Wait! I hope I will because I just made a commitment their to you *blah** lol. I suppose if I do share that means the class is working. The class is not starting until Aug. so we will have to sit tight until then ;)

     I cannot wait for my BLOG-A-THON & VIDEO-A-THON!!!! This month (June) I will be preparing for that 24 hr long commitment that I am going to do and I pray succeed in. My goal is to raise at least $800.00 for the Angela Shelton Foundation to help raise a total of $20,000 for the foundation to pay what they need to remain a 501-c3 Non-Profit. I have already collected old clothes for the local woman's shelter along with beauty products that I don't need such as hair electric pieces. I have personally stayed in a women and children shelter and I remember how bad it was. This is why I want to specifically donate to them. I would guess that the worth of the amount collected so far for the shelter donation is at least $200.00+. I have many different ideas for the video-a-thon I just need to go out and bring a helper and shoot some video so I can have things prepared for the moments when its 3am and my brain is not functioning properly or at noon when I have a large audience that does not know about the Angela Shelton Foundation and what it is about and why we are apart of it and supporting it. I'm thinking of also doing a slide presentation if I can get it to work on ustream.tv ..... OOOO--- YES! I will if I get permission from Angela, take video of me shooting at the range on at least a pistol on a 22 mm at least- I may move up to something stronger as I am learning more about shooting and safety protocols. I so want to get pics up for you all from the high power range too = to rifle. *Though I want to remind all of you that I only am using guns as a hobby but respect them as what they are capable of which is taking a life. Also, I do not own a gun as I do not feel that I should currently own a gun because I do not have a gun safe and do not know if or when I will have children in my home. Also I do choose to drink right now along with my partner/boy friend, and I will not allow personally to have a gun (even disassembled and not with ammo) in my home if there is no one at the home at all times to be responsible for a gun / taking a life. I am pretty much just saying please respect them and please don't judge me negatively for using them as a hobby only in a safe manor until you know me very very very personally. Thank you!

A New Life Gift & Video/Blogathon

      Today my new and very first office of my own is in the final stages of drying before I can move in and really get myself organized and get to work in a private space. We've painted EVERYTHING, and even shampooed the carpet. Soon as I can I will be posting picture of before and during after I move in. I am so excited because it will be a place of my very own. MY OWN. My sanctuary.
      Here I will better be able to take care of myself and be more affective at working with my goals as an Army of Angels! Recently with my meds being changed or not shipped on time I've had problems esp when I'm in a lot of pain. but now I see so much light and I feel it warming my skin. I can close my eyes now and not worry so much all the time.
       I still worry as I always will until I reach a deeper level of healing, I will still hold my breath for half of the day as always. But this feels better than the overwhelming feelings I was having before that left me rendered almost useless. A smile is growing across my face and I like that. Also for those who know, things are settling down for the moment between me and my lover. We had a very very very rough patch, now its just rough, which is much easier. :SQUISHES: and :huggles: to all of you. You all are so powerful and special. Don't forget to go to the blogathon this weekend I'll be there over the late evening hours. The lovely Angel that is doing this is a wonderful person that I talk to all the time and is dear to me. Funny you are all so dear to me even if I don't talk to you. :huggles:
__________________________________________________________
      Don't forget to mark your calander for July 9-10th for my video/blog a thon and try to skip getting coffee 2 times from Starbucks. Remember how the management raped and employee? I haven't heard anything about how they are handling that which is bad HR so I've actually stopped going there all together. But if you save money from two coffees that is like $6- $7-$8 that you could easily donate that you would have already spent that month! I've already made a small donation just because of that. :D And I got a larger donation when I told someone else about that. If you think about it, if you just gave up one coffee a month.........thats $3-$4 bucks x 12........ = so much help to keep the Angela Shelton Foundation ALIVE. 

Angela Shelton Foundation Fundraiser

I know I was not looking my best when I shot this but I had to share my feelings! After all it was in the middle of the night! ;p

Dear Survivors, Shit to poo its all good

I've noticed again many of you/us have hit another rough patch. It is either a pile of horse crap, (although I do love horses!) or a new pot hole that came out of no where on the highway and you were going 90. Well, bless you Angels. Bless you for all the crap you've been through and all the shit you will go through in the future. Bless you for the power you have obtained by having noses that are much more hard core than the average person and only typically take notice to the herd of skunks that just had a brazilian wax job in front of your nose. You are a warrior with your experience, knowledge and life skills. I've seen you take the horse shit and make it into a beautiful sculpture, then when cold light it for fire, then when it rains use it to help seal the shelter. I've finally come to realize that yes, shit might not shine, but it does have its purpose as poop. You ladies have figured out the 101 ways to use it and be beautiful people at the same time. I love you for that. Thank you for inspiring me to live on in this life with ever raining shit that I've learned to love and call poo.

If you enjoy my posts consider donating to the cause that saved me: http://www.firstgiving.com/sydneysmithaoa

*spoiler aleart* to a new post

I just got back from the ER again, things went much better this time. Not as much as I would have preferred,  but the experience was MUCH better then the last one.

Next is that I set up an appointment with a new pain doctor.

After this my significant other got mad that he had to take time out of this schedule and pick me up from the hospital. As I had to drive myself bc when it is there he usually makes it worse and is just speedy gonzolaz trying to get home.

And Lastly I had a great easter egg hunt with my s.o.'s family. And again found many 4 leaf and even a 5, and a 6 leaf clover! So I now probably have about #600 collected/ picked. 

Audio Post: "Hello Everybody"

http://tmic.fm/reo4ajjj0zy

Hello everybody! You know DriveShaft.... I do love LOST. I can not believe it is the last season. What will I do when its over? I guess I will have to watch Hawks Dances then ;)

Please consider going to MizzMeggs and donating to her blog-a-thon. She is so cute and wonderful. A good head on her shoulders. I love all the people who are helping to raise money for both the Angela Shelton Foundation and Hawk Dances! :Huggles: You can go to my twitter (link in the coffee lounge) to find a link to MizzMeggs blog-a-thon. Anyways have a wonderful day and yeah why not click on my audio tweet! Their is more in their that I did not just talk about! ;)