Vacation : Oil : Efficiency : Healing : Helping : Healing : Rescue

*********Please read the "Read Me" at the bottom of the page before reading this post. Thank you! :Huggles: ~Sydney Smith ************

      I just got back from a great vacation that was desperately needed for not only myself but my relationship with my lover. We went to a local, well... semi local beach and just did whatever we wanted. Other than being there with some other people we normally would choose not to hang out with it was great! The weather was perfect, we had a pool for the first time and a hot tub. I even got a little bit of sun for my vit D deficiency that I am suspected to have. We even splurged the first time in years and bought a nice seafood dinner! 1/2 pound of the following for my meal : clams, shrimp, crab legs! I surly could not eat it all and sadly had to leave almost half if it behind at the beach house w/ the other ppl to eat as we left a little early to beat some traffic. But the real point of this point other than to inform you of my absence once again (which I view as ok because it is self care and every one of you should be doing so- please please be taking good- no magnificent care of yourself because you are Angels! Don't forget who you are and what you deserve)
...... Again the point of this post is to tell you that this vacation really helped me heal even a little bit more and rejuvenated my very burned out and tired soul. I know many of you do SO MUCH for the cause let alone every thing you do for others such as your family members, friends, loved ones, and other survivors let alone the crap from random people. I want to let you know that taking a BREAK is a GOOD THING. It is HEALTHY for you and who you are trying to help in the first place esp.

      Why do you ask? I think it is kind of like running on really dirty rusty very very old engine oil. It still "works" but it definitely works a lot better. The car runs more efficiency, runs faster, and is much more reliable. The car is even cleaner and will have a longer, healthier life span. Some might say " So what I am doing just fine how I am right now, plus I don't have the money or time to go on any sort of vacation right now. I'm just to busy and poor and everyone needs me."

      Well I'll tell you, at least from my practice, if that is your response your in the most need of a vacation. Your holding up / supporting so much in your life that it can just suck someone bone dry in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. A respite / vacation is like a Rx for life if done right. Note: IF done correctly.

      They can be the "reset" button for your soul and mind so you are not weathered down to see the fossils that remain underneath your rock. It feeds light to your fire in backwards ways that you do not notice until much later if at all. It helps you be the you you wish and want to be. If you want and choose to help others so be it, this will help. If you wish to build another Eiffel tower it too will help.

      A respite / vacation is all about helping yourself FIRST. Yes you MUST HELP YOURSELF FIRST. If you are injured, not working well, efficiently, or are broken how will you do anything at all?? This is the ideology used in medicine when coming upon any medical scene. In order to help others you must first help yourself.  :Huggles: ~Sydney S.

*******READ ME PLEASE: I personally very much know how hard this(and all posts) is to take in and understand. This is all my opinion and is to be taken only as an opinion which every single person hase a valid equal one. I just write these posts in hopes my many years of  "experience" can mean something for at least one person. That will make me feel a lot better about all the crap I've been through. *************

Open our eyes to all Angela Shelton Foundation Hour 5

Open your eyes to the world around you. There is joy, sorrow, pain, health, happiness, love, hate. It is your choice to let in what you wish into your life most of the time. Sometimes, it is forced upon us in such cases as rape, violence and abuse of all kinds, but what is most important is how we handle it in the end.

For so long I blamed myself, then I blamed my family then I blamed myself again, then the world, and all at the same time men (MEN ARE RAPED TOO!!!) but through my healing years at least 7 now, I have finally come to realize it is not about who is to blame or really why. It is what I do with it. If I choose to sit on my butt and point fingers am I actually moving any where? Well I tried that and it did not work. Then I decided to give up, but then that got overwhelming (yes doing nothing can be overwhelming) and I knew I had to change something. Then I blamed someone or something or myself again and again until I had blamed all alive. That was when I was at the bottom.... scrapping for any hope. I then was litterally hopeless. Luckily for me I had a special package coming in the mail for me from a fellow survivor of horror.

Hour 2

Angela Shelton Foundation Month Long Blog-a-thon

Title: I'm more than good enough!
Post photography by: Steven Shires | Pixel Pro Shop


Please donate $ to the Angela Shelton Foundation if you get anything from this or any of my other articles this month-July 10th! Thank you. Click here to donate! To see Angela Shelton's private website click here
********************
I know from stats and experience that their must be some of you in the mists of abuse this very moment- this very second. Let it be in some sort (let it be sexual, physical, emotional, financial, ++) of very negative situation and are fighting for not only your life but possibly even others you care about. This post is for those who have gone through the journey of healing and those in any other point in their journey from being victimized, to survivorship, to thriving.

"The idea is that everyone would discuss the below so all sides would hear points to help make sense of the healing process and also acknowledge community and likeness that can show up through out specific stages of healing."~Sydney Smith from Angels Undercover and Undiscovered AUU

Question to those who see themselves as confident survivors and thrivers
1. List 3 things: If their were up to 3 things you could change (anything) in your HEALING process NOT THE ABUSE OR ASSAULT, what would it be and why?


2. If their was one thing you could change (anything) in your HEALING process what would it be and why?


3. If you can change this thing now (if you already have not done so) would you do so? What problems do you see, and feel with doing that? What positive feelings do you have?


*4. If you could tell yourself something in the very beginning of your healing process what would you say to yourself?


Questions for current victims. This means you are currently being abused. Once the abuse stops you are no longer a victim you are a survivor no "paper work" needed. *smiles*
1. Did any thing that the survivors or thrivers say about their past sound similar to what you experienced in one way or another at all? 


2. If yes to number 1, in what ways did you feel/sound similar?


3. What is different?


     The point I am making here is that new and old survivors of all kinds of abuse are equal in this world. We all have looked hell in the eyes and have come back out a live in one level of healing or another. But the most important thing is that we all must help each other. NOW THAT ALSO INCLUDES THOSE PEOPLE WHO THINK THEY ARE NOT AFFECTED. Haha I laugh when I hear people say that. I just want to say ok well guess what? I bet one of your best friends was raped, another molested for years,  and much much more. This is why the Angela Shelton Foundation is working very hard to bring awareness to everyone all over the world- it is a PANDEMIC - sorry Angela lol its not an epidemic, that is just small outbreaks in specific areas and surely not nation wide let alone sadly WORLD WIDE. And as Angela Shelton has said many times, this is a PEOPLE PROBLEM, not a woman's issues. Men are raped and abused all the time too. I ask that you please remember that as well as your phone number! :D We must work together to take down the Beast. 

Angela Shelton Foundation Hour 3

Angela Shelton Foundation Month Long Blog-a-thon


Title: I'm more than good enough!
Post photography by: Steven Shires | Pixel Pro Shop


Please donate $ to the Angela Shelton Foundation if you get anything from this or any of my other articles this month-July 10th! Thank you. Click here to donate! To see Angela Shelton's private website click here.


Dear survivor of;


(The not so pleasant things)

• 1. The western's world pressure on women to be thin and beautiful, and sexy 24-7
• 2. Physical disabilities
• 3. Emotional disorders (most caused by something listed later or society)
• 4. Graduating from a semi-broken University
• 5. Having family (a wonderful one though) that lacked emotional output as in hugs frequently
• 6. Learning disabilities that were never tested and treated until I requested it in college after my difficult math course because I could tell no one was having as much difficultly as me and I was also flipping numbers. Also my professor said that I might have a LD so I should get tested and be extra careful on exams esp. until then :p. I was only able to be tested after that course was over and I was at least 1+ standard deviations away from my IQ! 112-124?= IQ while Math= 75 which is or one point away from MR! 
• 7. Being in an abusive relationship for too long. It wasn't even that long but then their was the aftermath. 
• 8. In this abusive relationship, the physical abuse
• 9. In this abusive relationship, the emotional abuse like I am stupid when he was the stupid one 
• 10. In this abusive relationship, the still hard to even type sexual abuse and r word, rape. I said it. good for me! 

The point here is I SURVIVED IT AND...

(Pleasant things..)

• 1. I am actually pretty
• 2. I am not "fat"
• 3. Someone in the world cares or is affected by something I do
• 4. I am loved... I am loved... I am loved (creating new neuro pathways hehe ;D)
• 5. I love that I have a family that cares a lot about me
• 6. I am an Artist
• 7. I love having my sever chronic pain managed somewhat for the moment
• 8. I love having a partner/ significant other/bf that cares a lot about me
• 9. I love my ability to connect with animals
• 10. I love that I know I have LIGHT inside me that will never ever go away, that will always be there even if I don't feel it, that I can always work to rekindle my light, and help others find their light that they have that also will never go away even if they think they have never felt it before.
• 11. I enjoy friendships even when I feel horrible for not having enough time for them. 
• 12. I love horseback riding and the feeling of connection between myself and the horse. Also the independence and freedom once in the saddle. <3
• 13. I love Mother Earth
• 14. I love that I know I have already LOVED much not mention and I love that I know that I will LOVE MUCH MORE!

      That is the past, I have faced it head on, eye to eye, heart to heart. I've dived deep down into my past's soul and come out not just SURVIVING but THRIVING.        ~YES THRIVING!!!!!

      This achievement in my life that I once felt was a personal disaster happened due to the following people and organizations in order by date: My boy friend, my (good) counselors, my University's women's center, TBTN, The Clothesline Project, Angela Shelton, some of my Professors, The Glass Breaking Project, Army of Angels, and all the other survivors through A.S. and other places. Thank you and others that I did not mention for specific reasons. You have changed a life. I have finally given up somethings that I thought were right if a person tells you so. (ie. Your stupid- from my Abuser). Well I am now free from that, I am "me", whom ever I wish to be! And I am a smart beautiful person ~Sydney Smith

      Consequently now I'm on the search of who I am and want to be now that I am not Stupid, fat and ugly! I'm so excited! I know it won't be easy but I pray I have gone threw the hardest part. I posted this photograph by Steven Shires that he made for AUU. I think this is very representative of what this process is. I'm just trying to climb one mountain at a time..... it should be easier that way and should not be so daunting looking at one compared to the range. Thank you Steven! If anyone would like a print of this photo you can either contact Steven Shires yourself at the website that I have linked in this post or on my coffee lounge. I think it would be nice to have in an office don't you think?!

Pepsi Refresh Project - Vote EVERY DAY so ASF can win 25K to Produce 32 free videos for the public!

Angela Shelton Foundation Fundraiser

I know I was not looking my best when I shot this but I had to share my feelings! After all it was in the middle of the night! ;p

TweetMic : I'm looking for guidance

Please listen to my Tweetmic ( and iphone app) >  | http://tmic.fm/rgrz6jgpuyo


I'm in the Army of Angels but this Angel needs some help right now.... I don't know what to do.... I don't even know what options exist

Photograph: Taken and edited by Sydney Smith, of Sydney Smith

2am....

Yes its after 2 am and I feel like that song by Anna Nalick. I'm working very late even if I did just get up from a 3 hour nap. My health has been really bad this and last week. One of my many doctors told me to go to the ER today/tonight really, but I so did not want to go so I didn't. I don't think my S.O. wants to or even should have to deal with this anymore. Once I get through this week things will get much easier.But I can't rust this week or I'll run around even more like a chicken with my head cut off lol. 


To myself as I tell often to others: " Take a deep breath, hold it, and someone, somewhere will believe me and understand as I do of others. 


Dear Angela Shelton and all of the AOA and followers: Thank you for supporting me all. You all  have kepted me going when it seemed to get to tuff! :) :) :)


PS. IF ANYONE KNOWS HOW TO DRILL A HOLE IN A USA COIN PLEASE LET ME KNOW!


Finally I will be putting together a Service Dog website someday for the SD (SD- service dog that I am going to get) I can not use Firstgiving bc its only for organizations etc but I'm not giving up hope because I had a week with my own dog as one in training and my life was completely different (for the better) but my dog failed out of the course lol. 

* Photo of me in Utah on the search for wild indiginous animals, but I ended up taking much more way than that

Sexual Assault/Rape in the Military

Women soldiers stop drinking water early in the evening to avoid having to use the bathroom to try to avoid being RAPED by fellow soldiers

What do you think about this?!

I found this article very interesting and very in line with most of the stuff I have heard about this issue in the past. I do want to note one stat was wrong. They said that a woman in the Militaries stats of being raped is 1 in 3 (I have no problem with this- what I have a problem with is that they said is this is double that of a civilian. That is flat out not true. civilians are at LEAST 1 in 4. Last time I did math that would mean the Military would have to be 1 in 2 to be double the civilian stat which is widely accepted as 1 in 4. ( I believe it is higher both in the Military esp. and in civilian worlds due to many many break downs in the system(s) and trust, safety, and access to get help let along take action.

http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1968110,00.html#ixzz0gmMHUT0I

Photo from http://www.wowowow.com/files/imagecache/300x/2008_0724_iStock_women_military.jpg Retrieved from the WWW on March 13, 2010.