Tired, drained emotionally

I know I am not alone when I find myself having the feeling that I am just completely drained, tired, and needing time to recover emotionally. On the path to healing their can be piles of shit laying in the road, which I do expect. In fact I have gotten used to the stench of crap on my shoes for a while now. But I have a shovel with me. When I can no longer walk over the piles of crap, I must, with my brute strength, use my shovel to clear my path. I remind myself that this is MY PATH, and no matter what "crap" may choose to lay in my way, I will over come it. Now I do not deny that some days I can not see over the mound and I stand there, just staring at it as if in awe. But then I am reminded after some time, and maybe even some tears, that I have acquired tools on my journey. Ones that can help me over come this giant load of crap before my eyes. I must believe and remember from past experiences that I am just a gosh darn powerful person. I have already been through so much in my life and I have SURVIVED. What is just one more pile of crap? Not much really, I've overcome so much, I CAN take on anything (as I believe any survivor can). It is just a matter of reminding myself how far I have come on my path of healing, how much I have endured, and that I am truly strong, powerful and importantly full of love.

Love push you much farther than most other things. This is why I am now working very hard on loving myself. If I truly love myself, what wouldn't I do for myself? I hope you will take on the mission of love your self more - their is no end to love..... and it makes us stronger.

Song-by me

Song Title :" YOU” 
By Sydney Smith
Lyrics go to the music of “If I was a boy” for the majority by beyonce
From my website subpage : Sydney Smith's Songs and Poems



Sometimes it’s more than a push
I feels more like a punch
Like your forcing me to throw away
Everything that makes up my name
But each time you say
It is better for me
To put it all aside and 
Make it all just go away
But I don’t know if I can
Live up to your demands
I don’t know if I can play along
And run your marathon
The more I am who you want
The more my mirror is blinded
Not knowing who I am
Or where I started from
But each time you say
It is better off for me
To put it all aside and
Make it all just go away
Yet I know there is more than you
I know some where is me
I just have to look real hard
To rediscover what you pushed from me
Yeah I know 
I’m worth at least that
Because I’m beautiful 
And you can’t take away that
Yeah
Because I’m beautiful
And you can’t take away that
Yeah 
Because I’m beautiful 
And you can’t take away that

I've been working so hard but not meeting the line I wish

      I know every event in my life has shaped me, for the good and bad. But those moments sometimes unfortunately, I take with me where ever I go, to whom ever I meet. It is a constant struggle to fight any event in your life that you wish not to affect you. My therapist told me you have to replace bad events and memories with positive ones. For example, if you are afraid of dogs from being scared by one in the past some how (in person on tv you name it), you need to replace that event with a positive experience such as a safe and happy experience with a sweet puppy.

      Right now I am working on replacing bad relationship experiences/ events from all sorts of people from family, significant others, co-workers, friends and even just random people you meet for just a moment in public. I have been trying to form better relationships through better communication, but I have found it to be very difficult. You may think you are communicating very very clearly, and attending to all of the others needs in your statement, but if the other person does not take it that way, it really does not matter at all what you said. The event might not go the direction you wish it too. This has been so frustrating but more it saddens me. I don't want to hurt anyone else, I was and am specifically trying to communicate as best as I can for the best out come, yet I can not read their mind and figure out before hand what mood they are in, if they are in a powerful or not powerful place of mind, and how they will take even a simplest most direct form of communication.

      Everyone has their own interpretation of EVERYTHING. I believe this is one of the sources of conflict. Two people may really agree on an issue, but they can not understand each others communication due to interpretation and reading into "what the other is really saying" if that is even the case.

      I just had an event like this with a very important person in my life. I was trying so very hard to communicate "properly" as that is something again I am working on, and this other person is supposed to be also. But the other person did not even take a moment in my eyes (though see here, I am reading into things which is kinda a no no) to see that their could be a miss communication. When I said their was a miss communication the person did not really believe me. This was heart breaking due to the content of the conversation and its impact on the other persons feelings expressed. I had no clue what to do. I had felt and still feel I did nothing wrong. I say next time I will try my best again to communicate in a way more adapted to this other persons "needs" which I believe are emotional.

      With this said, I think almost every conversation we have in life is some how misconstrued. Inflection, body language, tone, choice of words, and even apparently length of communication can disrupt a clear connection amongst many other things! I hope I better learn how to communicate along with the world as a whole. I believe "proper" communication can even and has saved lives. Think about peace treaties etc that have saved thousands and thousands of lives. All through the use of words. Very specific and well chosen words that were well excepted by ALL parties of the communication. If even just one of a communication phone line goes down, it creates a very unstable road leaving the rest of the communication balancing on an uneasy surface with potholes or worse, fear of total collapse.

The Glass Breaking Project & a SD

The Glass Breaking Project has a new website: click here. I personally know one of the two creators of this project and have participated and I LOVE IT! so go....click! check it out!

The Glass Breaking Project was founded by Jessica Buchanan and Medallio Green, students of Shenandoah University.

Medallio Greed is a senior Business Major minoring in Political Science. 

Jessica Buchanan is a senior Psychology minoring in History and Women’s Studies.

Medallio and Jessica were challenged by their Women’s Studies professor, Dr. Amy Sarch, to come up with an inspirational way to help people release anger and raise awareness about the silence that surrounds violence.  They came up with The Glass Breaking Project in 2008 and are currently hosting their 3rd annual Glass Breaking event at Shenandoah University in 2010 and taking the project to schools across the country.  The Glass Breaking Project is soon to be a non-profit organization headed by Jessica and Medallio.

 The Glass Breaking Project’s Mission:
• To promote a healthy outlet of anger for people that does not promote hurting others around
• To stop violent acts towards others such as domestic violence, verbal abuse, rape, and molestation by raising awareness of how often these acts occur
• To shorten the statistic of every women/man that is raped, domestically beaten, or verbally abused daily.
• To raise money through donations and use that money to raise awareness about our cause
• To create a healthy environment for people to come together with their stories to share or keep remembered
• To make all aware of the violence in the world and for everyone to unite and take a stand against it

______________________________________________

My Pending Service Dog

      On another note, I just found out that it will cost me $12,000. to get a service dog trained (that is not including the price of the dog from the breeder that specializes in SD). So I'm really sad about that because my doctor really wants me to get one and the trainer honestly believes that I could really benefit from a SD. But I see no way to get that kind of money. Its crazy. So yeah. sad face. I really expect the full price to be about $16,000. But if it was only $12,000 (again without the purchase of the dog) I would have to get at least 24 different companies to donate $500.00 to reach the estimated training costs. I so want it to work as it will change my life forever for more than better. It will give my life back. More than that. So If anyone knows any businesses that they would recommend or would like to ask on my behalf if I give information I would greatly appreciate it. My trainer has a blog where she and I will up date and take pictures etc of my SD (service dog)  as it is trained (which takes a year) and watch us grow. I think I would also continue to update the blog after my dog is perminately placed with me. I would do this for anyone who would donate/ sponsor so they could check the progress and amazing help that their donation/ sponsorship will do for me. My trainer said I would be a poster child for people who would benefit from service dogs. 


      I was so happy that she truly understood what a service dog can do for a person on all levels. This gave me hope. Much more hope than from any other SD organization before this one. I hope my hope will not fall only due to money. I know many hopes in the world fall to this, but this is my life. I need help with my activities of daily living. I just want my life back. :( If it was only easier, if I wasn't alone in this. 


So have you checked out the Glass Breaking Project yet??!!! ;)

Lack of Motivation

Recently, well I guess for a long time now. I've been having issues with lack of motivation. Their are many reasons behind this, but its actually starting to annoy me now. Yet I do not know how to move past this speed bump. I've changed some medicines which has helped certain things in my life, but other things like the level of pain I live with still remain extremely high. It is also possible/ suggested that I have ADD ( recently told to me by a doctor). They say that is a reason why I might not be able to get things done as I would like to. I just don't know what to do now. I feel like I'm running into a wall and just bouncing off it multiple times. So this is leading me to a feeling that I have to say I can't commit to anything because of this wall right in front of me. :Frustrated: What to do..... Lists don't work, planning time in a day does not work esp because of my pain.... I just don't know. I am comforted in the knowledge that I am not the only one that has to deal with this issue as I know personally a few people with this same problem. Though a couple of them are on meds to help them. My doctor wants to put me on meds for my ADD but we can't until my anxiety(well panic attacks) goes away and I don't think that ever will so I feel stuck.

Anyways.... this was just another moment of me not doing what I really need to be doing ie writing my speech that is in less than a month :(

Drink more

Dear self and others,

Please vow to drink more WATER! It can be flavored, tap, purified or whatever, it just needs to be water. Most people in the us are chronically dehydrated. I know personally I am one of them. If you are thirsty, that means you are already dehydrated. Plus it will help you loose weight by keeping you feeling full and helping your body get rid of toxins along with keeping your digestive track moving. If your pee is ever yellow your dehydrated....

p.s. self and others- don't forget to use reusable water containers instead of plastic bottles and plastic or paper cups. If you have to use cups at a party use paper because they are a renewable resource. Plastic is made from oil..... oil= war right now :( I must remember

Let Me Sleep......

"Oh won't you just,..... Let me sleep?"- anonymous lyrics from a beautiful song

I am so happy to let you all know that I am sleeping so so well! A family member of mine purchased multiple CD's for me from this program that has been around since I believe the 50's. It is called Hemi-Sync. @FromTracie I believe has tried it also and loves it too. I am getting very good sleep now for the first time.

My very crude definition from my family member is that through two speakers their are two different frequencies played. One through the right (for example at 81 Hz) and one through the Left ( ex. at 87 Hz). When your brain listens to both of them at the same time it tries to take both frequencies and sort of "sync's" them together by finding a freq. in between both of the frequencies so the brain can make sense of the sound. This requires the use of both of the Hemispheres of your brain and in a way reboots your brain. This is supposed to help you sleep ( very quickly- with in days or so of doing the program at night all night) and also reduced pain ( again all night but it can take longer for results from multiple days or longer).

My family bought it for me because many people who have HAD fibromyalgia used this program and have fully recovered. This I have to really meet these people for myself even if they did meet the person that was recovered because it just seems almost impossible that something this seemingly easy could cure something so devastating. But I am hopeful. I am having much success with MUCH better sleep, and so far I'm doing a little better on pain but not big enough to note yet.

So the reason why I'm sharing this with you is incase any of you are interested in trying this out. Now the people who have had the most success have gone to a retreat center and have been taught how to use these CD's / programs intensively. So maybe I am not getting the full result I should be because I have not gone to one yet. But I am hoping to go to the retreat center sometime within the next year so I can really give this a good try and see if it will fix my sleeping problems and my fibromyalgia.

By the way- since I've been using this program I've not been having as many nightmares which has been really cool!

Anyways you all are probably bored to death about this by now lol

but here is a link to the retreat center/ institute

The Monroe Institue

READ ME!!

NOTICE: I just opened up the blog so anyone can post comments after any and all of my posts. I've done this because their are people who are reading this blog but do not have a blogger account and can not post comments other wise without this set up. So I'm happy that everyone can now join in the conversation. If anyone spams or is like the "Worm" ie degrading to the cause I will remove their comments and I will see if I can block them. If need be I can go back to only bloggers or only members commenting but for now enjoy!!!!


Also note that their is the emotion boxes to click also!

My challenge to you

This is my challenge to you. Today March 20th and March 21st I will be tweeting with the hash tag #Women. I want to talk about how powerful we are, how much many of us have over come and triumphed, how so many women support others, and yes even some not great things like women against women. I want to bring up issues. I want people to think for a moment. What I would love is for everyone to join in and maybe #Women could make it to a twitter topic. Now I know their are bad people out their that will say bad things about women, but that does not deter me. No, that just shows me that they are insecure with their own selves and feel they must bash others to make themselves feel superior. All we need to do is ignore them. If they message us, block them. As simple as that. Any of you remember the Worm? ugh.


Now I fully understand that this is as Angela Shelton says just barely even tapping on the big toe of a great monster. But I would like the practice of tapping on the toe before taking down the monster. I want to stretch my arms, take a deep breath and say, "This is what I believe in" and see what happens. One must practice before taking down an opponent. One must whisper into the opponent's ear that someone is their to challenge them. I am ready for this process. I am ready for training. Are you?


It is important to note that negativity is the loss of power in my eyes. To stoop any level lower than your moral ideals reduces the power of your light leaving you less likely to succeed. Therefore, in my challenge and I hope yours, we will blind any opponent with our light. The light that is naturally found inside us. Have you ever heard of "killing with kindness?" I think that is what my personal light and mind is guiding me towards.


In all I just challenge you to speak well of #Women on twitter and bring up important issues and try to NOT attack the opponent. Kindness can hurt just as much and harshness yet do good at the same time. So today and tomorrow if you so choose to, use #Women in a good light on twitter.

Photo from http://www.textually.org/textually/archives/cat_twitter.htm?p=4

Speaking Engagement post 2ish ;p (My nervous thoughts)

Photo by Pixel Pro Shop-copyright 2009- all rights reserved see link on left! 

Ok, so it is LESS than a month until my very first speaking engagement and I am really freaking out now- no panic attacks though lol but so very excited at the same time. Unfortunately I don't think Angela Shelton will be there like I thought she was going to be but it will still be great because KimLeigh Smith will be there!

I have already started to work on my speech but I just found out a few min ago that they would like me to tell my story. I was going to kind of barely touch that and go into the healing - not dwelling in the past horrors. But they want me to speak for 15 min instead of 10-15 min so I really have to step up my game. So telling my story will give me more stuff to talk about, even though I feel like I could talk with people (I talk one on one for hours sometimes not as much recently) for hours.

Now I was never great in my university public communications class, due to my anxiety, but I have grown so much since then, and its been years, but I still carry that fear of making a fool of my self or not providing the company what they want. But I am an Angel now, and if I look like a fool I look like a fool, all I can do is prepare myself as best I can, and give my heart out.

I've had some people that I talk to been very kind and say that I am very good at talking about this stuff one on one. I just hope I can apply that to a large group. I have had wonderful people give me advice and offer to help me on this adventure too! So now, its time to jump head first into the water and learn how to swim.

One of the biggest tackles for me will be how to present my story and what to "edit," how to properly fill in the alloted time, and how to speak SLOWLY and clearly. Practice practice practice.

Photo by Pixel Pro Shop-copyright 2009- all rights reserved see link on left!

It's my choice

When something gets you down or frustrated at life, it is time to take a moment for yourself. And I don't mean just 5 seconds to breathe because that won't do anything but delay a break down or a blow up. How did I learn this? From breaking down and blowing up one to many times in front of people I care so much about.

Today I felt this way. I felt so angry and upset without due cause. And at a person that meant no harm to me. And I finally came to the realization that I needed to step away for MORE than just a second to breathe. I need REAL time to bring myself back, step into the light(I am NOT referring to God or anything like that) that I know will always be with me, see what I am missing in the situation, what is causing my frustration or saddness, and finally see if any of it is justified. Today it was not, the next time it might be, but justified or not it does not mean I have to be feeling badly. It is MY CHOICE. And it will always be my choice. What will your choice be today and tomorrow?

So I am very happy to realize that I really have a choice over being happy, mad, and even sad! = Power

Photo: By Sydney Smith of Sydney Smith

Sexual Assault/Rape in the Military

Women soldiers stop drinking water early in the evening to avoid having to use the bathroom to try to avoid being RAPED by fellow soldiers

What do you think about this?!

I found this article very interesting and very in line with most of the stuff I have heard about this issue in the past. I do want to note one stat was wrong. They said that a woman in the Militaries stats of being raped is 1 in 3 (I have no problem with this- what I have a problem with is that they said is this is double that of a civilian. That is flat out not true. civilians are at LEAST 1 in 4. Last time I did math that would mean the Military would have to be 1 in 2 to be double the civilian stat which is widely accepted as 1 in 4. ( I believe it is higher both in the Military esp. and in civilian worlds due to many many break downs in the system(s) and trust, safety, and access to get help let along take action.

http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1968110,00.html#ixzz0gmMHUT0I

Photo from http://www.wowowow.com/files/imagecache/300x/2008_0724_iStock_women_military.jpg Retrieved from the WWW on March 13, 2010.

A tweet 3/13/2010 - A reflection on life

The "bad" things in life have shaped me and changed me but have not damaged me!-I've only become stronger(like a mountain shaped by ice) #Joy #AOA

Photo by me, Sydney Smith 2009

How do you feel beautiful?

Recently I've been having issues with the way I look. But then I settled down and found my light and saw that I really am beautiful in more than one way. I realized it doesn't matter if you have big thighs, or a big forehead, EVERYONE has something different about them that makes them who they are, even the super models I guarantee have something about them. They are characteristics that make us special. Yeah some times we don't like all of our special characteristics but I think if it does not negatively effect our health, we can learn to live and love our quirks and characteristics just as most people have different laughs!

With this realization, I am working on creating new neuropathways to love ALL of me.

So How do I feel beautiful? By appreciating all of my characteristics and turning to my internal light when I question that. My question to you is how to you feel and keep feeling beautiful?

How to get a job!

Feminists for Hire: Finding a Job After College (I think this applies to all job seekers)

From : http://feministcampus.blogspot.com/2010/03/feminists-for-hire-finding-job-after.html (retrieved on March 11, 2010 from the WWW)

With the mid-point in the semester upon us many students are suddenly met with the daunting question: "What next?!" Whether you're considering a job after graduation or a summer internship to gain additional skills and experience, doing your homework is still a requirement to landing the opportunity you've been waiting for.

Resume: I was once told by someone I had an informational interview with that only the President should have a resume more than one page. While some career centers differ with this advice, it's critical that you tailor your resume (whatever its length) to the job that you are applying for. Remember that there is no such thing as a one-size-fits-all resume and you should be sure to highlight your skills and experience that is relevant to the job/internship you are applying for.

Other tips: Consider developing an objective statement or one sentence sales pitch at the top of your resume. When listing your previous work experience don't forget to include your leadership with your feminist group on campus. Limit the number of bullet points (2-3) when listing your qualifications to include the most relevant skills and any quantifiable results.

Cover Letter: Your cover letter is your first introduction to your potential employer and is just as important (if not more) as your resume. Like the resume, tailor your cover letter for each job/internship you are applying for and always refer to the specific qualifications they are seeking and your experience that makes you such a qualified candidate.

Other tips: For some markets an out of town address can be a dead end for your application. If you are applying for a position in another location, particularly if it is a great distance away, consider asking any acquaintances in that area to use their local address on your resume. It may seem like a minor thing but given the competitive market and tightened budgets by many companies, factoring in moving costs could be a deal breaker.

Interviews: So you got the interview. Yes! Now the real work begins. Interviews are not only an opportunity for you to shine as a qualified candidate but also a chance to interview the organization to be sure it is the job/internship for you.

Before the interview: Do your research. Be familiar with not only the responsibilities of the position you are applying for but also the current projects and issues of the overall organization. Be sure to pack multiple hard copies of all requested materials (cover letter, resume, writing sample, etc.), develop a list of questions you want to ask the interviewer and a notebook to take notes during your interview. Dress the part. Business attire is normally your best bet. Remember: dress for the job you want, not the job you have. Plan for traffic, elevator outages, wrong turns (i.e. the things that always happen when you need to be somewhere important) and arrive 15 minutes early.

During the interview: Smile, make eye contact throughout the interview, and speak calmly and confidently. Sit up straight and pay attention to your body language throughout the interview. Potential questions the interviewer may ask include: why are you interested in this position, what are your strengths and weaknesses, what is your work style, why would you be an asset to this organization, or what was your greatest challenge and how did you overcome it? Don't feel pressured to answer each question right away and know that you can always ask for clarification. Think through your answers and always try to reference the skills and responsibilities of the position and your relevant experience.

End of the interview: Always have questions prepared for the interviewer. Potential questions include: describe my day-to-day responsibilities, do you offer any opportunities for professional development, what other staff will I work with most often, or how will my performance be evaluated? Be sure to ask about the next stage of the interview process and thank the interviewer for their time and consideration.

After the interview: Within the next 24 hours write a thank you e-mail to each person who interviewed you. Thank them for their time, express your interest in the position, and briefly reiterate your qualifications. Also attach any documents they may need to this e-mail, including your resume, writing samples, and references. Contact your references to re-confirm and alert them that they may be contacted by your interviewers. Make sure your references know the description position you have interviewed for, what makes you interested in the position, and any particular qualifications they should emphasize if contacted.

Other tips: Never underestimate the power of informational interviews! They will give you great advice, contacts and prepare you for the real deal. Find people whose jobs you want to have and send them an email. Ask for a 15 minute meeting (maybe over coffee?) to talk about their career. People love to talk about themselves and, in turn, you get loads of advice and (hopefully) connections! Also, visit your career center to practice a mock interview to fine tune your answers and develop your interview skills.

Networking: In such a competitive job market, making the right connections can make all the difference. Tap into your area alumni network and connect with networks for young professionals. Groups like the Women's Information Network (WIN) connect and support pro-choice women in the DC area and are replicated in other cities across the country. Bring your resume to the National Young Feminist Leadership Conference and talk to leaders of organizations that you want to work for. Network online by creating a LinkedIn profile. Upload your resume, get recommendations from past employers, connect with your contacts and get "introduced" to people online.

My last piece of advice for feminist job hunters is simple: tell everyone you know you are looking for a job! Take every opportunity to learn about what people are doing and sell yourself. Not in a cheesy way but in a, "oh, that's so interesting. I've actually done a lot of research about misogynist textbooks in grade schools, too" kind of way. The more people know you are looking for a job the greater the chance they will know someone who is hiring!

Finally, remember we need feminists in all sectors. If you're applying to law school, want to be a teacher or start your own business you can and MUST bring your feminist consciousness with you. Good luck feminists! Go forth and shake up the workforce!

http://feministcampus.blogspot.com/2010/03/feminists-for-hire-finding-job-after.html

A new small project for Angela Shelton

Hello everyone!

I have a request of all of you who support Angela Shelton and the work of those who support her work. Please send me a JPG only of a STAR!!! I request that the size of the star be no large than 2'' x 4'' approximately give and take. And the size to be no larger than 1 Mb total for the entire email. Please send the email to TheSydneySmithProject -at-gmail.com with the subject line of :STAR SUBMISSION. Submission deadline. NO LATER THAN APRIL 4TH(Sunday)!!!!! As I need time to collect all the pieces and then create the piece and then send it to Angela. I'm trying to get as many as possible but ONLY ONE star PER PERSON.

I came up with idea to make it so YOU are apart of this very special creation. Angela is most likely to be auctioning this item off for the Angela Shelton Fundation ( and if she doesn't I might try too) which helps not only you but our friends and people we have yet to met. I am so thankful to help this cause. It brings me great joy to use my art to help lift up spirits in need of light, love and courage. Please take this step with me. This is just one more way we can make a difference.

The best part will be trying to find your star on the completed piece!

In summary

SUBMISSION GUIDELINES

1. Deadline for all submissions is APRIL 4, 2010 (A Sunday I will hope to get Angela to say something that Sunday to remind you all xing my fingers)

2. The STAR must have no fewer than 5 points but no more than 8.

3. Please keep the image size to about 2'' x 2'' or 2'' x 4''

4. The image MUST be in a jpg.

5. The total size of the email must me at a max 1Mb

6. Only ONE submission PER PERSON

7. Entries will only be accepted at the following email address TheSydneySmithProject -at-gmail.com
Any entries delivered to facebook or other places will be deleted sorry!

8. HAVE FUN! :SQUISH: and :HUGGLES:

what you can do is scan an hand drawn picture and save it on to your computer as a jpg- it will ask you what you would like to save it as ie a jpg, gif etc. select jpg. Save it into a file you will remember then attach it to your email. Don't forget to crop the image!

OR

If you have a tablet you can use that to create your hand drawn star. If all else fails, contact me and we can talk about it. Consider going to your local library first as they will usually let you use their scanners! (I don't really want to give out my home address to have things mailed to me even though I trust you all I'm still trying to protect myself from people from my past)

Oh, ps. today I was sketching out the HAWK DANCES painting. I need to do more landscape research though before I move forward. And with that I can check my color pallet.

And don't forget to feed my fish at the bottom of my page hehe! And lastly I can't wait for my speaking engagement. Super nervous but very very excited. I just wish I could call Angela for a bit and talk to her about how she constructs her speeches and gives them. But I am a very powerful woman, I know with practice I will become better :)


photo from http://hubblesite.org/gallery/album/the_universe/pr2002010c/web/

Happy International Women's Day!

We come in all forms, interests, shapes and colors. Our back grounds vary more so then the colors of the rainbow, but we have one thing binding us all together even if we choose to accept it or not. We are women and girls. No matter our age or race we all have something to give and our socioeconomic status will not stand in our way as we have already proved with much hard work. I am thankful for all the women and girls that have come before me, are here now, and those we will see in the future for the gifts they will bring. Thank you.

photo from http://www.lvlconnection.com/

My path

Somethings in my life were taken away from me without my choice in the matter. But I will not let that hold me back any longer. I'm done with trauma, I don't think about it every day like I used too, my nightmares are controlled now thanks to a medicine I'm on, and I've been asked to speak at a college. So I'm putting on my mudding boots and I'm ready to have a blast and make a mess! I'm going to do what I want, when I want, how I want. And I'm going to join the Angels. For the longest time I was unsure if I would ever qualify to be in the AOA, but now I feel I can take on this honorable duty that I want to fulfill. This is the mud puddle splashing path that I now choose and I am ok with getting a bit dirty. I feel so lucky to be were I am right now in my healing and I want to help others. I have learned so much but will always know I know so little because a smart person always knows their is more to learn in life no matter how many books you read or how old you get. So now I will take my small daggers, throwing stars, and put them to the test for now I will become an Angel not to be recognized nor seen, but to make changes. Now I will not deny that this process will be slow for me as I have health problems, but it will happen and for this I am joyful.

A sex offender lives next door!

OMG ok now I'm freaking out! Must breathe....... it says that he has taken "indecent liberties with children." Oh goodness! And he has a kid! I now am blanking on what Angela said about bringing cookies to them or something and letting them know we are watching or something of that nature? But this guy is really big and scary strong but I'm scared for the kid and others. I've got to stay safe but they need to also. I don't know what to do right now. I need to learn more signs and symptoms of child abuse in children so if I see the child acting out I can identify it and do something. I think child sex offenders should be made sterile so they can't have children just to hurt them later. Just my opinion. But unfortunately I do know they would still find children :(

btw I had previously checked my area and it did not show this person up as an offender..... but now it does so if you have checked before I would recommend checking again as they might have updated your area as the offenders have to update their status on where they are living.