Vacation : Oil : Efficiency : Healing : Helping : Healing : Rescue

*********Please read the "Read Me" at the bottom of the page before reading this post. Thank you! :Huggles: ~Sydney Smith ************

      I just got back from a great vacation that was desperately needed for not only myself but my relationship with my lover. We went to a local, well... semi local beach and just did whatever we wanted. Other than being there with some other people we normally would choose not to hang out with it was great! The weather was perfect, we had a pool for the first time and a hot tub. I even got a little bit of sun for my vit D deficiency that I am suspected to have. We even splurged the first time in years and bought a nice seafood dinner! 1/2 pound of the following for my meal : clams, shrimp, crab legs! I surly could not eat it all and sadly had to leave almost half if it behind at the beach house w/ the other ppl to eat as we left a little early to beat some traffic. But the real point of this point other than to inform you of my absence once again (which I view as ok because it is self care and every one of you should be doing so- please please be taking good- no magnificent care of yourself because you are Angels! Don't forget who you are and what you deserve)
...... Again the point of this post is to tell you that this vacation really helped me heal even a little bit more and rejuvenated my very burned out and tired soul. I know many of you do SO MUCH for the cause let alone every thing you do for others such as your family members, friends, loved ones, and other survivors let alone the crap from random people. I want to let you know that taking a BREAK is a GOOD THING. It is HEALTHY for you and who you are trying to help in the first place esp.

      Why do you ask? I think it is kind of like running on really dirty rusty very very old engine oil. It still "works" but it definitely works a lot better. The car runs more efficiency, runs faster, and is much more reliable. The car is even cleaner and will have a longer, healthier life span. Some might say " So what I am doing just fine how I am right now, plus I don't have the money or time to go on any sort of vacation right now. I'm just to busy and poor and everyone needs me."

      Well I'll tell you, at least from my practice, if that is your response your in the most need of a vacation. Your holding up / supporting so much in your life that it can just suck someone bone dry in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. A respite / vacation is like a Rx for life if done right. Note: IF done correctly.

      They can be the "reset" button for your soul and mind so you are not weathered down to see the fossils that remain underneath your rock. It feeds light to your fire in backwards ways that you do not notice until much later if at all. It helps you be the you you wish and want to be. If you want and choose to help others so be it, this will help. If you wish to build another Eiffel tower it too will help.

      A respite / vacation is all about helping yourself FIRST. Yes you MUST HELP YOURSELF FIRST. If you are injured, not working well, efficiently, or are broken how will you do anything at all?? This is the ideology used in medicine when coming upon any medical scene. In order to help others you must first help yourself.  :Huggles: ~Sydney S.

*******READ ME PLEASE: I personally very much know how hard this(and all posts) is to take in and understand. This is all my opinion and is to be taken only as an opinion which every single person hase a valid equal one. I just write these posts in hopes my many years of  "experience" can mean something for at least one person. That will make me feel a lot better about all the crap I've been through. *************

New feature! A new way to show you appreciate what I do!

So I just set up my very first paypal account as I had to in order to pay to go to this conference about over coming sexual abuse/assault and domestic violence + all the crap that comes with it. Now you ask why am I going? Because I am in the Army of Angels and it is our duty to learn as much as we can so we can make real changes in the world and help others in need. Unfortunately as most of you who have kept up with my blog and such sweet hearts you are know the disabilities I have and my pursuit of a service dog. Well, all of this and helping other survivors has left me more than broke. I did just finally pay off a loan that I had for 6 years for over $3,000 in non-covered medical expenses that I racked up in 6 days. Goodness did that feel amazing when I paid that off. But did you know that two patches two 4-6 inch patches cost $150 and I am supposed to wear two in 24 hours, and I wear 3 different types of medical patches :(. But I feel so much better than I did before. I can actually STAND, and for like more than 15 seconds and the kicker is that I can dress myself most of the time now! OH YEAH hehe lets have a parrrtyaaa. lol anyways this sounds like a depressing fest which is not what I want.

But a friend of mine said - why don't you put up one of those pay pal donation buttons on your blog. Everyone does it, and then if people like what you do they can contribute to help you get by and continue doing your work. Another friend sincerely agreed when I didn't want to do this, even when I might be looking at $14,500 price tag for my service dog which I will get no matter what I have to do I don't care if no one will hire me right now bc of my disability I will find a way. I need the darn dog to get a job lol catch 22. So here I go, I'm putting up the paypal donation button but their are major things you must know. IT IS NOT. N-O-T tax deductable. I am not a nonprofit (though someday I wish I could be and build high tech shelters) but again you would just be donating money to the person that supports other survivors and is one herself, and honestly, could use a little food in my fridge every once in a while. So here I reluctantly go. Putting myself out their. Maybe people could ask questions they want answered or something.... here we go...

If you can't donate or want to share this with others you can send this code in an email and a link to my blog so they can check me out!

The button: 

https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=ED34ERT3UKY8E

The blog

 http://angelsundercoverandundiscovered.blogspot.com/

                                            Thank you~Love Sydney Smith

Photography by Pixel Pro Shop: Steven Shires

Why

NOTE: This posting has negative language in it. It is recommend that it be read by adult readers only.  This posting in no way is representative of the organizations that I support.




This is the year of why. Why the fuck this and why the fuck that. Really why the fuck anything. I usually answer "Just because" but that is not flying any more with me being in my mid twenties with my degree almost in my red hot hands and no job to be herd of or even thought of at this time. My psychologist ( I went with a psychologist this time because the many years of counselors and therapists seem to have gotten me no where so I though yes, Sydney go with the one with a bigger and better degree! Plus you have to pay them more so they have to be better right?????) says to me that I am in a "time of transitioning" and keeps on asking me what I'm going to do with my life. Time and time again I give him some bs answer ( oh yes, my lovely degree is in bs~Love it!) and he just gives me a frown. God dam I would tell him if I fucking knew! But I don't know. Why is that? Why don't I know where the hell I'm going and with who and for how long? I see other people around me in the same point of life ( now many they haven't had the "life experiences cough: being raped etc" like I have ) and they know where they are going and who they are doing. Literally. They are married. I want to be married. I've been in a mono relationship for 7+ years. 7+ years and now, just now we are in couples counseling. Now I love this person so much I believe that no one could understand but :sigh:

Now I would LOVE love to delve into this more but I don't know if my lover will take me if I were to do this. Maybe in the future as I'm trying to be more true on this blog now.

Anyways. So fuckin A. Fucking Y. Why did all of this crap happen to me a long time ago ( the stuff that lead me to Angela Shelton). Am I supposed to do something with it because right now I don't feel like I'm doing a very good job at any of that world. But at the same time I SOOO want to do something. I want to change something. But why?? Why this why that why anything at all?

This change in me being in mucho less pain for the majority of the time has opened my brain and my life again. Before it all I was a leader of men, yes of men. And I was very good at it. Hummm....So now I will just eat cake to dull this question for now.... yumm.

READ ME!!

NOTICE: I just opened up the blog so anyone can post comments after any and all of my posts. I've done this because their are people who are reading this blog but do not have a blogger account and can not post comments other wise without this set up. So I'm happy that everyone can now join in the conversation. If anyone spams or is like the "Worm" ie degrading to the cause I will remove their comments and I will see if I can block them. If need be I can go back to only bloggers or only members commenting but for now enjoy!!!!


Also note that their is the emotion boxes to click also!

New blog for AUU!

Welcome to the new blog for AUU * Angels Undercover & Undiscovered! We are Angels here, yes you might not see our wings directly but we do fly in our own way and have plenty of light to share. Let me share with you my home base... my website! http://sites.google.com/site/sydneysmithproject/

Many of us are AUU's Angels Undercover and Undiscovered. We have survived horrible things, and or we have supported others who have gone through these things. We are here to support, learn and love. We have a light amongst us that shines bright. Yet,most of us go about undercover and undiscovered of our missions and love. If you are a survivor, a friend, family member, a supporter of a survivor, I would like to recognize you as an Angel because YOU ARE. Angela Shelton has taught me this (thank you Angela!). Thank you for what you have done and will do. Together we can heal not only ourselves, but yes, it does sometimes sound corny, but the world one person, one moment at a time. This site is for all AUU's - survivors, friends, family, friends, looking to find help on this subject of trauma.

What is this site about? It is about regaining power/light, love and purpose. It is about finding hope, comfort and support. The site is always in development just as Sydney is, as she learns new things she will share with you her new knowledge. Sydney is not a professional of any sort, she is just a person that wants to help other survivors and their loved ones. She knows that she searched a long time ago for answers to her questions and only recently started to find what she was looking for. This site is to help you find your answers more quickly than she did. She wants to pass on her light to you, because she does care about you even if she might not know you directly. May our light grow indefinitely. ^

Please be aware that an abuser can see what sites you visit unless the site tells you otherwise. Some sites for domestic violence have an escape route and leave no trace on the computer. Note that this site is NOT one of those sites. Stay safe, find a different computer, go to a library, go on a friends computer, go on your work or school computer. Learn how to delete cookies and caches on your computer also to help protect you.

^ Sydney Smith is NOT a professional in any capacity. She is simply a survivor trying to help others. Therefore please seek help from a professional at ALL times. She is not in any way responsible for anyone's health and welfare who is viewing or has viewed this page and all pages, videos, blogs, tweets, emails, chats and anything else associated with this site. (This is my get out of jail free hopefully pass! otherwise this wouldn't exist)