Angela Shelton Foundation Hour 3

Angela Shelton Foundation Month Long Blog-a-thon


Title: I'm more than good enough!
Post photography by: Steven Shires | Pixel Pro Shop


Please donate $ to the Angela Shelton Foundation if you get anything from this or any of my other articles this month-July 10th! Thank you. Click here to donate! To see Angela Shelton's private website click here.


Dear survivor of;


(The not so pleasant things)

• 1. The western's world pressure on women to be thin and beautiful, and sexy 24-7
• 2. Physical disabilities
• 3. Emotional disorders (most caused by something listed later or society)
• 4. Graduating from a semi-broken University
• 5. Having family (a wonderful one though) that lacked emotional output as in hugs frequently
• 6. Learning disabilities that were never tested and treated until I requested it in college after my difficult math course because I could tell no one was having as much difficultly as me and I was also flipping numbers. Also my professor said that I might have a LD so I should get tested and be extra careful on exams esp. until then :p. I was only able to be tested after that course was over and I was at least 1+ standard deviations away from my IQ! 112-124?= IQ while Math= 75 which is or one point away from MR! 
• 7. Being in an abusive relationship for too long. It wasn't even that long but then their was the aftermath. 
• 8. In this abusive relationship, the physical abuse
• 9. In this abusive relationship, the emotional abuse like I am stupid when he was the stupid one 
• 10. In this abusive relationship, the still hard to even type sexual abuse and r word, rape. I said it. good for me! 

The point here is I SURVIVED IT AND...

(Pleasant things..)

• 1. I am actually pretty
• 2. I am not "fat"
• 3. Someone in the world cares or is affected by something I do
• 4. I am loved... I am loved... I am loved (creating new neuro pathways hehe ;D)
• 5. I love that I have a family that cares a lot about me
• 6. I am an Artist
• 7. I love having my sever chronic pain managed somewhat for the moment
• 8. I love having a partner/ significant other/bf that cares a lot about me
• 9. I love my ability to connect with animals
• 10. I love that I know I have LIGHT inside me that will never ever go away, that will always be there even if I don't feel it, that I can always work to rekindle my light, and help others find their light that they have that also will never go away even if they think they have never felt it before.
• 11. I enjoy friendships even when I feel horrible for not having enough time for them. 
• 12. I love horseback riding and the feeling of connection between myself and the horse. Also the independence and freedom once in the saddle. <3
• 13. I love Mother Earth
• 14. I love that I know I have already LOVED much not mention and I love that I know that I will LOVE MUCH MORE!

      That is the past, I have faced it head on, eye to eye, heart to heart. I've dived deep down into my past's soul and come out not just SURVIVING but THRIVING.        ~YES THRIVING!!!!!

      This achievement in my life that I once felt was a personal disaster happened due to the following people and organizations in order by date: My boy friend, my (good) counselors, my University's women's center, TBTN, The Clothesline Project, Angela Shelton, some of my Professors, The Glass Breaking Project, Army of Angels, and all the other survivors through A.S. and other places. Thank you and others that I did not mention for specific reasons. You have changed a life. I have finally given up somethings that I thought were right if a person tells you so. (ie. Your stupid- from my Abuser). Well I am now free from that, I am "me", whom ever I wish to be! And I am a smart beautiful person ~Sydney Smith

      Consequently now I'm on the search of who I am and want to be now that I am not Stupid, fat and ugly! I'm so excited! I know it won't be easy but I pray I have gone threw the hardest part. I posted this photograph by Steven Shires that he made for AUU. I think this is very representative of what this process is. I'm just trying to climb one mountain at a time..... it should be easier that way and should not be so daunting looking at one compared to the range. Thank you Steven! If anyone would like a print of this photo you can either contact Steven Shires yourself at the website that I have linked in this post or on my coffee lounge. I think it would be nice to have in an office don't you think?!

A New Life Gift & Video/Blogathon

      Today my new and very first office of my own is in the final stages of drying before I can move in and really get myself organized and get to work in a private space. We've painted EVERYTHING, and even shampooed the carpet. Soon as I can I will be posting picture of before and during after I move in. I am so excited because it will be a place of my very own. MY OWN. My sanctuary.
      Here I will better be able to take care of myself and be more affective at working with my goals as an Army of Angels! Recently with my meds being changed or not shipped on time I've had problems esp when I'm in a lot of pain. but now I see so much light and I feel it warming my skin. I can close my eyes now and not worry so much all the time.
       I still worry as I always will until I reach a deeper level of healing, I will still hold my breath for half of the day as always. But this feels better than the overwhelming feelings I was having before that left me rendered almost useless. A smile is growing across my face and I like that. Also for those who know, things are settling down for the moment between me and my lover. We had a very very very rough patch, now its just rough, which is much easier. :SQUISHES: and :huggles: to all of you. You all are so powerful and special. Don't forget to go to the blogathon this weekend I'll be there over the late evening hours. The lovely Angel that is doing this is a wonderful person that I talk to all the time and is dear to me. Funny you are all so dear to me even if I don't talk to you. :huggles:
__________________________________________________________
      Don't forget to mark your calander for July 9-10th for my video/blog a thon and try to skip getting coffee 2 times from Starbucks. Remember how the management raped and employee? I haven't heard anything about how they are handling that which is bad HR so I've actually stopped going there all together. But if you save money from two coffees that is like $6- $7-$8 that you could easily donate that you would have already spent that month! I've already made a small donation just because of that. :D And I got a larger donation when I told someone else about that. If you think about it, if you just gave up one coffee a month.........thats $3-$4 bucks x 12........ = so much help to keep the Angela Shelton Foundation ALIVE. 

Today

I will appreciate all of me. From my likes and dislikes, from my smiles to my frowns. No matter who I am or am not associated with, today, I will appreciate me. I will appreciate me for everything I've triumphed through and all the more to come that I know I will only have two true paths, to succeed or fail. I will not judge me any different for either outcome because today, I know, I put the best into my work so only my best can come out even if it is failure. I love myself. I know deep down, past all my self image issues that I am truly beautiful and naturally beautiful at that. I know and understand that I not only love myself but deserve much love because of the wonderful kind person that I am, even if I am lead a stray some days. I am worth everything and more. Because I am Sydney Smith, I am me, I am a woman that has seen hell and come back again fighting not for glory but for life. Me, myself, I am worth much love, in fact I deserve much love especially since I give love so freely and easily. I appreciate all of my worth and dignity. I am a woman of many forms, many hats, many possibilities. I am a Goddess and a Warrior at the same time along with Serenity. I am me. I will love my whole self today.

Angela Shelton Foundation Fundraiser

I know I was not looking my best when I shot this but I had to share my feelings! After all it was in the middle of the night! ;p

A gift from Steven Shires from Shires Photography

Another sweet gift that reminds me that men in this world are ok. Not all of them hurt. Some of them are just plain good people that blow you away but it could be because this person is from the South lol. I vote this person is just a great person. I love their family too!

 I think this should be a new AUU motto :)

Side note: my favorite thing about Shires Photography is that the work is actually ART. I am a semi-professional artist. In fact this year and esp in the next few months I will be putting my nose to the grind stone to prepare for and up coming show in July. I have always admired photography and even tried to dabble in it myself but I've never. ever. seen someone come out with a piece of photography like this Artist (yes that is what I believe this person should be called) does. It's different and I love that. The photos many times do not even look like photos and rather perfect paintings. The photos can bring you in and swirl your mind in the nature brought before your eyes. This is one of three photographers, really two that I consider to have the ART down in the entire US, one of them worked for National Geographic. But I shouldn't judge the art for you, you should have a look for yourself. From the work he has just done I really enjoy the waterfall series. Again it is Shires Photography and the link is on the Right hand side of my blog or you can click right on the title of this posting. I also had a photo shoot with Steven Shires and I couldn't be more happy with the results. Now... run along! lol go look! I can't wait to get more photos taken after I loose some more weight since I'm in less pain! He is worth the flight, drive etc

New feature! A new way to show you appreciate what I do!

So I just set up my very first paypal account as I had to in order to pay to go to this conference about over coming sexual abuse/assault and domestic violence + all the crap that comes with it. Now you ask why am I going? Because I am in the Army of Angels and it is our duty to learn as much as we can so we can make real changes in the world and help others in need. Unfortunately as most of you who have kept up with my blog and such sweet hearts you are know the disabilities I have and my pursuit of a service dog. Well, all of this and helping other survivors has left me more than broke. I did just finally pay off a loan that I had for 6 years for over $3,000 in non-covered medical expenses that I racked up in 6 days. Goodness did that feel amazing when I paid that off. But did you know that two patches two 4-6 inch patches cost $150 and I am supposed to wear two in 24 hours, and I wear 3 different types of medical patches :(. But I feel so much better than I did before. I can actually STAND, and for like more than 15 seconds and the kicker is that I can dress myself most of the time now! OH YEAH hehe lets have a parrrtyaaa. lol anyways this sounds like a depressing fest which is not what I want.

But a friend of mine said - why don't you put up one of those pay pal donation buttons on your blog. Everyone does it, and then if people like what you do they can contribute to help you get by and continue doing your work. Another friend sincerely agreed when I didn't want to do this, even when I might be looking at $14,500 price tag for my service dog which I will get no matter what I have to do I don't care if no one will hire me right now bc of my disability I will find a way. I need the darn dog to get a job lol catch 22. So here I go, I'm putting up the paypal donation button but their are major things you must know. IT IS NOT. N-O-T tax deductable. I am not a nonprofit (though someday I wish I could be and build high tech shelters) but again you would just be donating money to the person that supports other survivors and is one herself, and honestly, could use a little food in my fridge every once in a while. So here I reluctantly go. Putting myself out their. Maybe people could ask questions they want answered or something.... here we go...

If you can't donate or want to share this with others you can send this code in an email and a link to my blog so they can check me out!

The button: 

https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=ED34ERT3UKY8E

The blog

 http://angelsundercoverandundiscovered.blogspot.com/

                                            Thank you~Love Sydney Smith

Photography by Pixel Pro Shop: Steven Shires

Tired, drained emotionally

I know I am not alone when I find myself having the feeling that I am just completely drained, tired, and needing time to recover emotionally. On the path to healing their can be piles of shit laying in the road, which I do expect. In fact I have gotten used to the stench of crap on my shoes for a while now. But I have a shovel with me. When I can no longer walk over the piles of crap, I must, with my brute strength, use my shovel to clear my path. I remind myself that this is MY PATH, and no matter what "crap" may choose to lay in my way, I will over come it. Now I do not deny that some days I can not see over the mound and I stand there, just staring at it as if in awe. But then I am reminded after some time, and maybe even some tears, that I have acquired tools on my journey. Ones that can help me over come this giant load of crap before my eyes. I must believe and remember from past experiences that I am just a gosh darn powerful person. I have already been through so much in my life and I have SURVIVED. What is just one more pile of crap? Not much really, I've overcome so much, I CAN take on anything (as I believe any survivor can). It is just a matter of reminding myself how far I have come on my path of healing, how much I have endured, and that I am truly strong, powerful and importantly full of love.

Love push you much farther than most other things. This is why I am now working very hard on loving myself. If I truly love myself, what wouldn't I do for myself? I hope you will take on the mission of love your self more - their is no end to love..... and it makes us stronger.

My challenge to you

This is my challenge to you. Today March 20th and March 21st I will be tweeting with the hash tag #Women. I want to talk about how powerful we are, how much many of us have over come and triumphed, how so many women support others, and yes even some not great things like women against women. I want to bring up issues. I want people to think for a moment. What I would love is for everyone to join in and maybe #Women could make it to a twitter topic. Now I know their are bad people out their that will say bad things about women, but that does not deter me. No, that just shows me that they are insecure with their own selves and feel they must bash others to make themselves feel superior. All we need to do is ignore them. If they message us, block them. As simple as that. Any of you remember the Worm? ugh.


Now I fully understand that this is as Angela Shelton says just barely even tapping on the big toe of a great monster. But I would like the practice of tapping on the toe before taking down the monster. I want to stretch my arms, take a deep breath and say, "This is what I believe in" and see what happens. One must practice before taking down an opponent. One must whisper into the opponent's ear that someone is their to challenge them. I am ready for this process. I am ready for training. Are you?


It is important to note that negativity is the loss of power in my eyes. To stoop any level lower than your moral ideals reduces the power of your light leaving you less likely to succeed. Therefore, in my challenge and I hope yours, we will blind any opponent with our light. The light that is naturally found inside us. Have you ever heard of "killing with kindness?" I think that is what my personal light and mind is guiding me towards.


In all I just challenge you to speak well of #Women on twitter and bring up important issues and try to NOT attack the opponent. Kindness can hurt just as much and harshness yet do good at the same time. So today and tomorrow if you so choose to, use #Women in a good light on twitter.

Photo from http://www.textually.org/textually/archives/cat_twitter.htm?p=4

A tweet 3/13/2010 - A reflection on life

The "bad" things in life have shaped me and changed me but have not damaged me!-I've only become stronger(like a mountain shaped by ice) #Joy #AOA

Photo by me, Sydney Smith 2009

A new small project for Angela Shelton

Hello everyone!

I have a request of all of you who support Angela Shelton and the work of those who support her work. Please send me a JPG only of a STAR!!! I request that the size of the star be no large than 2'' x 4'' approximately give and take. And the size to be no larger than 1 Mb total for the entire email. Please send the email to TheSydneySmithProject -at-gmail.com with the subject line of :STAR SUBMISSION. Submission deadline. NO LATER THAN APRIL 4TH(Sunday)!!!!! As I need time to collect all the pieces and then create the piece and then send it to Angela. I'm trying to get as many as possible but ONLY ONE star PER PERSON.

I came up with idea to make it so YOU are apart of this very special creation. Angela is most likely to be auctioning this item off for the Angela Shelton Fundation ( and if she doesn't I might try too) which helps not only you but our friends and people we have yet to met. I am so thankful to help this cause. It brings me great joy to use my art to help lift up spirits in need of light, love and courage. Please take this step with me. This is just one more way we can make a difference.

The best part will be trying to find your star on the completed piece!

In summary

SUBMISSION GUIDELINES

1. Deadline for all submissions is APRIL 4, 2010 (A Sunday I will hope to get Angela to say something that Sunday to remind you all xing my fingers)

2. The STAR must have no fewer than 5 points but no more than 8.

3. Please keep the image size to about 2'' x 2'' or 2'' x 4''

4. The image MUST be in a jpg.

5. The total size of the email must me at a max 1Mb

6. Only ONE submission PER PERSON

7. Entries will only be accepted at the following email address TheSydneySmithProject -at-gmail.com
Any entries delivered to facebook or other places will be deleted sorry!

8. HAVE FUN! :SQUISH: and :HUGGLES:

what you can do is scan an hand drawn picture and save it on to your computer as a jpg- it will ask you what you would like to save it as ie a jpg, gif etc. select jpg. Save it into a file you will remember then attach it to your email. Don't forget to crop the image!

OR

If you have a tablet you can use that to create your hand drawn star. If all else fails, contact me and we can talk about it. Consider going to your local library first as they will usually let you use their scanners! (I don't really want to give out my home address to have things mailed to me even though I trust you all I'm still trying to protect myself from people from my past)

Oh, ps. today I was sketching out the HAWK DANCES painting. I need to do more landscape research though before I move forward. And with that I can check my color pallet.

And don't forget to feed my fish at the bottom of my page hehe! And lastly I can't wait for my speaking engagement. Super nervous but very very excited. I just wish I could call Angela for a bit and talk to her about how she constructs her speeches and gives them. But I am a very powerful woman, I know with practice I will become better :)


photo from http://hubblesite.org/gallery/album/the_universe/pr2002010c/web/

Happy International Women's Day!

We come in all forms, interests, shapes and colors. Our back grounds vary more so then the colors of the rainbow, but we have one thing binding us all together even if we choose to accept it or not. We are women and girls. No matter our age or race we all have something to give and our socioeconomic status will not stand in our way as we have already proved with much hard work. I am thankful for all the women and girls that have come before me, are here now, and those we will see in the future for the gifts they will bring. Thank you.

photo from http://www.lvlconnection.com/

To those who haven't learned how to love themselves YET

To those who haven't learned how to love themselves YET,

I will love you like you should and will love you after you do learn how,
I see your pain and anguish and wish for it to go away,
But I understand where it came from and where it finds its nourishment,
I only hope I might guide you to a new path of light and freedom of love.
A love of no expectation, no fear of loss, only growth of sincerity.
I think of you as I was once in your shoes and hope you will follow the path I made for you.

No man can make you feel whole inside
Nor can a blade make you feel alive
What you need is the warmth of love
The kind you have not been aware of.
Yes it is scary at first but you do not have a curse
some day someone will love you
just open your eyes and soon you'll realize
the're already surrounding you.

From Angela Shelton: Thank you to the good men!

Happy Valentine’s Day to All the Good Men in the World. I Love You!

by ANGELA SHELTON on FEBRUARY 13, 2010 · COMMENTS
in LOVE & RELATIONSHIPS


This is to all the good men out there. I wrote a post about the freaks and creeps but wasn’t talking about you. I know many of you good men out there and this is the shout-out to you. Hallelujah for you. Thanks for being patient. Thanks for putting up with us. This is to all of the good fathers I’ve met, my adopted BACA dads, my adopted dad Jake, the men who made sure of it that I ate and had a roof over my head, the loves of my life (the good ones), male feminists, men working to protect kids, male survivors in the trauma movement, my mentors, all the men who made it possible for women like me to move forward in this world and the good men stuck in this strange time in between when you ruled the roost with your fist to watching Queer Eye for the Straight Guy. It’s hard for you good guys sometimes. Thank you to all of you who are in touch with your inner feminine, who understand that times are shifting and who roll with it and remain good men.



And to my love, I’m sorry for all the times I acted like a crazy beeeeach. Thank you for making this world a better place by being in it. Thank you for your patience and belief in me. Thank you for understanding that I’m dedicated to a mission and a cause. Thank you for not giving me grief for farting in bed. Thanks for nurturing my lower back issues and taking your time with me. Thanks for learning new ways of thinking and doing. Thanks for doing things like Ariel dancing playshops with me. Thank you for giving me my space to travel on my own. Thanks for being secure and confident in yourself and not holding it against me when I’m submerged in work and you don’t hear from me for days. I love you. I appreciate you. I think you’re mighty fine and I love that you’re in my life. Happy Valentine’s Day.

Image by Hiking Artist - another good guy!