More Than Thank You

This is a message stating that I am much more than thankful for the help, donations and awareness that was created over this weekend. It was beautiful and powerful even with major computer difficulties. All of you are troopers and givers. Please recognize yourself everyday for that. You have helped to change the world one day at a time. It is a blessing to me to be a part of this foundation, as I stated many times last night? (it feels like last night for me but was also Friday!) this is a people problem, and we need to come together to work on it now. You all have stepped up and with your actions said I am doing something about it, and that, that is what makes change, and what makes me cry tears of joy.

I remember when I was a "fresh" survivor I searched on the internet for hours for any sort of help, and in the first couple years I found little. Now someone can type in a simple search and probably find the Angela Shelton Foundation; Survivor Manual; and the Army of Angels. This is has and will change lives, including our own lives even more so from helping organizations that we truly believe in. I am so beyond happy to know that the ASF is here, and with our work here to stay. Remember when we discussed if someone was watching and they were currently being abused children and adults - one of you said what would it be like to help just one person tonight? Well I will tell you that we might have and that would be more than amazing, but with the donations (and those who help those donations become a reality) we are helping people 24 hours a day 7 days a week 365. Cool right? But we can't stop here, we have so many great ideas and with the power and light of the people associated with the foundation, who knows what I can do? What can we do next and how can we improve what we have?

I <3 you all and don't forget my web hugs. They are authentic. <3 ~Sydney Smith

Open our eyes to all Angela Shelton Foundation Hour 5

Open your eyes to the world around you. There is joy, sorrow, pain, health, happiness, love, hate. It is your choice to let in what you wish into your life most of the time. Sometimes, it is forced upon us in such cases as rape, violence and abuse of all kinds, but what is most important is how we handle it in the end.

For so long I blamed myself, then I blamed my family then I blamed myself again, then the world, and all at the same time men (MEN ARE RAPED TOO!!!) but through my healing years at least 7 now, I have finally come to realize it is not about who is to blame or really why. It is what I do with it. If I choose to sit on my butt and point fingers am I actually moving any where? Well I tried that and it did not work. Then I decided to give up, but then that got overwhelming (yes doing nothing can be overwhelming) and I knew I had to change something. Then I blamed someone or something or myself again and again until I had blamed all alive. That was when I was at the bottom.... scrapping for any hope. I then was litterally hopeless. Luckily for me I had a special package coming in the mail for me from a fellow survivor of horror.

Angela Shelton Foundation Hour 3

Angela Shelton Foundation Month Long Blog-a-thon


Title: I'm more than good enough!
Post photography by: Steven Shires | Pixel Pro Shop


Please donate $ to the Angela Shelton Foundation if you get anything from this or any of my other articles this month-July 10th! Thank you. Click here to donate! To see Angela Shelton's private website click here.


Dear survivor of;


(The not so pleasant things)

• 1. The western's world pressure on women to be thin and beautiful, and sexy 24-7
• 2. Physical disabilities
• 3. Emotional disorders (most caused by something listed later or society)
• 4. Graduating from a semi-broken University
• 5. Having family (a wonderful one though) that lacked emotional output as in hugs frequently
• 6. Learning disabilities that were never tested and treated until I requested it in college after my difficult math course because I could tell no one was having as much difficultly as me and I was also flipping numbers. Also my professor said that I might have a LD so I should get tested and be extra careful on exams esp. until then :p. I was only able to be tested after that course was over and I was at least 1+ standard deviations away from my IQ! 112-124?= IQ while Math= 75 which is or one point away from MR! 
• 7. Being in an abusive relationship for too long. It wasn't even that long but then their was the aftermath. 
• 8. In this abusive relationship, the physical abuse
• 9. In this abusive relationship, the emotional abuse like I am stupid when he was the stupid one 
• 10. In this abusive relationship, the still hard to even type sexual abuse and r word, rape. I said it. good for me! 

The point here is I SURVIVED IT AND...

(Pleasant things..)

• 1. I am actually pretty
• 2. I am not "fat"
• 3. Someone in the world cares or is affected by something I do
• 4. I am loved... I am loved... I am loved (creating new neuro pathways hehe ;D)
• 5. I love that I have a family that cares a lot about me
• 6. I am an Artist
• 7. I love having my sever chronic pain managed somewhat for the moment
• 8. I love having a partner/ significant other/bf that cares a lot about me
• 9. I love my ability to connect with animals
• 10. I love that I know I have LIGHT inside me that will never ever go away, that will always be there even if I don't feel it, that I can always work to rekindle my light, and help others find their light that they have that also will never go away even if they think they have never felt it before.
• 11. I enjoy friendships even when I feel horrible for not having enough time for them. 
• 12. I love horseback riding and the feeling of connection between myself and the horse. Also the independence and freedom once in the saddle. <3
• 13. I love Mother Earth
• 14. I love that I know I have already LOVED much not mention and I love that I know that I will LOVE MUCH MORE!

      That is the past, I have faced it head on, eye to eye, heart to heart. I've dived deep down into my past's soul and come out not just SURVIVING but THRIVING.        ~YES THRIVING!!!!!

      This achievement in my life that I once felt was a personal disaster happened due to the following people and organizations in order by date: My boy friend, my (good) counselors, my University's women's center, TBTN, The Clothesline Project, Angela Shelton, some of my Professors, The Glass Breaking Project, Army of Angels, and all the other survivors through A.S. and other places. Thank you and others that I did not mention for specific reasons. You have changed a life. I have finally given up somethings that I thought were right if a person tells you so. (ie. Your stupid- from my Abuser). Well I am now free from that, I am "me", whom ever I wish to be! And I am a smart beautiful person ~Sydney Smith

      Consequently now I'm on the search of who I am and want to be now that I am not Stupid, fat and ugly! I'm so excited! I know it won't be easy but I pray I have gone threw the hardest part. I posted this photograph by Steven Shires that he made for AUU. I think this is very representative of what this process is. I'm just trying to climb one mountain at a time..... it should be easier that way and should not be so daunting looking at one compared to the range. Thank you Steven! If anyone would like a print of this photo you can either contact Steven Shires yourself at the website that I have linked in this post or on my coffee lounge. I think it would be nice to have in an office don't you think?!

Angela Shelton Foundation Fundraiser by Angela!

Hello! I wanted to share and or remind all of you that Angela Shelton herself will be online for 24 hours starting at 1pm PT, or 4pm EST TODAY Saturday June 12- June 13th to raise money and awareness for the Angela Shelton Foundation. Next month I will be doing the same thing on July 9th. Its held on Ustream.tv for both events but all you have to do when you are at the site if you don't have the ink is search for our names! Thats easy enough! So this month search for: Angela Shelton -- next month-- Sydney Smith if I find the links I will attach them. <3 you all I hope to see you there!

Its been a while

Hello everyone! Its been a while since I've been back but ...

      Look at the beautiful picture above(top of blog) from Steven Shires from Pixel Pro Shop! I know I say it every time, but as a semi-professional artist, I personally sincerely appreciate Mr. Shires work and his charity to AUU. He made the above for Angels Undercover & Undiscovered as another gift *Note he has already made other photos for AUU so a big Thank you on behalf of AUU to Steven Shires for helping to support our org!

      I've personally been working on my path to wholeness and more. Just last night I signed up for a 10 week class that is supposed to help with a persons commitment to their word. Honestly I do have an issue with this. Many times I will say "I will do something" on the "note that I can always back out if I need to due too"...... my physical disability, panic attacks, anxiety, &/or Angela Shelton live show on Sundays at 12pm PT/ 3pm EST etc *wink. But I know this is not the way I want to continue living my life, but I don't know how to account for those times that I truly cannot make it to commitments I've made due to things that are not in my control. As I learn different ways of thinking and dealing with this issue I will blog about it. Wait! I hope I will because I just made a commitment their to you *blah** lol. I suppose if I do share that means the class is working. The class is not starting until Aug. so we will have to sit tight until then ;)

     I cannot wait for my BLOG-A-THON & VIDEO-A-THON!!!! This month (June) I will be preparing for that 24 hr long commitment that I am going to do and I pray succeed in. My goal is to raise at least $800.00 for the Angela Shelton Foundation to help raise a total of $20,000 for the foundation to pay what they need to remain a 501-c3 Non-Profit. I have already collected old clothes for the local woman's shelter along with beauty products that I don't need such as hair electric pieces. I have personally stayed in a women and children shelter and I remember how bad it was. This is why I want to specifically donate to them. I would guess that the worth of the amount collected so far for the shelter donation is at least $200.00+. I have many different ideas for the video-a-thon I just need to go out and bring a helper and shoot some video so I can have things prepared for the moments when its 3am and my brain is not functioning properly or at noon when I have a large audience that does not know about the Angela Shelton Foundation and what it is about and why we are apart of it and supporting it. I'm thinking of also doing a slide presentation if I can get it to work on ustream.tv ..... OOOO--- YES! I will if I get permission from Angela, take video of me shooting at the range on at least a pistol on a 22 mm at least- I may move up to something stronger as I am learning more about shooting and safety protocols. I so want to get pics up for you all from the high power range too = to rifle. *Though I want to remind all of you that I only am using guns as a hobby but respect them as what they are capable of which is taking a life. Also, I do not own a gun as I do not feel that I should currently own a gun because I do not have a gun safe and do not know if or when I will have children in my home. Also I do choose to drink right now along with my partner/boy friend, and I will not allow personally to have a gun (even disassembled and not with ammo) in my home if there is no one at the home at all times to be responsible for a gun / taking a life. I am pretty much just saying please respect them and please don't judge me negatively for using them as a hobby only in a safe manor until you know me very very very personally. Thank you!

Maybe I will start looking into all this astrology stuff.....

        Once upon a night in a far away land their was a woman that was determined not to sleep (reasons to be explained on twitter)  I was poking around on the net around 4:30 am or so and since it seems astrology is a semi big thing in Hollywood right now I wanted to see why. I haven't been really impressed yet but that is because I have not done any studies yet but I am not deterred. You see I am a scientist, yep degree and all. I've conducted research studies and had to get over Myth-busters  SEVER lack of science (oh sometimes it still makes me tremble). But I am opened minded to many many things.  I do believe in some sort of Supreme Being(s) and I am love my religion that is accepting of most faiths.  For example, in my church you can be Buddhist, Hindu, Christian, Mormon, LDS, Quaker, + + +. We just do not accept those who worship the devil and a few other things. I view my religious choice as pretty darn accepting, and I like to think that I TRY to be accepting of as many different things as humanly possible as long as they do not extremely fundamentally go against my moral values such as violence of any kind, including rape, discrimination, things like that. 

        The reason why I just voiced all of that is because I wanted to show you that I am willing to give things a chance even if I don't really believe in them. This does include social things like astrology readings. 

        Over all the point of this post is that I will report back to see if my mini flawed 'study' will show any sort of results

**SUPER NOVA DAYS

Jun 4 - 8: Stairway to Heaven

Your imagination runs wild over the weekend as your key planet Mars opposes magical Neptune on June 4. You'll be convinced that pretty much anything is possible in the days ahead. The difficulty, however, is finding a balance between your most outrageous dreams and a more practical approach to life. You are forced to make adjustments to increase efficiency and narrow your vision when energetic Mars enters laser-sharp Virgo on June 7. But it isn't a good idea to settle for less. Even if you have practical issues to address, they could be critical steps propelling you to the stars. 

 **Cited from: http://www.tarot.com/astrology/monthly/getforecast.php




Ps. Don't forget to donate to my cause for the Angela Shelton Foundation which I have a link here on the main page of this blog along with a donation button if you would like to help feed me! :D and or support me in getting my service dog. You can even email me and tell me what you want me to do with the money you donate to me at DearAngealShelton    -At-    Gmail    .    com     or                TheSydneySmithProject    @    gmail.com    ( spaces for web bots)


I hope you all are doing well :HUGGLES: and a long one at that. <3~Sydney

PART 1 : Just had something that make me frustrated but should I be?

I apologize this is going to be a bit long, I will make the major part that relates to the title for those who want the short and sweet version at the END and in a different color ;) Love ya! :SQUISH: and you can NOT forget my :HUGGLES: to you! I have changed the font on this post for a reason. I feel it fits better....just me being all artistic and shite lol


Ever since I was able to answer questions I knew what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wanted to be a veterinarian (at the age of two it was "an animal doctor"). Between then and now all I have done in my life (well I have done now much more with the AOA and Angela Shelton I can now say because I am starting to recognize myself in my whole being more so) is work towards this goal and once I was old enough I started moving on the same path for humans. I wanted to help animals and humans. I wanted to know how to save their lives if something went wrong. I have determined that all my life I have suffered from chronic intense anxiety, and one of my ways to combat that was with gaining as much knowledge and certifications as I could in the medical field for all animals but especially all mammals. The funny thing to me, but now with this anxiety as I just stated is very clear now. I NEVER EVER CHANGED MY MIND about what my path was to be. I wanted to be a veterinarian (Large animal prefer- Horses, Cows, mixed farm -- or Large Zoo animals).

 I NEEDED FOR MY MENTAL SAFETY NET the idea that I could control something in my environment that could easily go out of control. This was probably the one thing that partly held me together for my younger years until I gave up on the fight that live was more than just fixing physical problems. 

 No one wants to accept the emotional challanges we all face every day, every moment of our lives. I was taught to throw away all emotions and as it is barely audible over the phone that I am crying (and I very very rarely cry because of the following I was given this from an important person in my life.

"Just deal it"/ with everything because you just have to "get over it" and "You can't be so emotional" and my favorite (enter a metric fuck ton of sarcasm now)"Stop crying. You aren't allowed to cry. Just stop being so emotional, you can't do that. Just get over it, you can't let things even if its sucks get to you. You can't cry like that. Stop it!" 

Wow I once again, after hearing this over and over again through out my life from this person I got frustrated but in a sad way. I was sad because I was able to really let it sink in for me that this person was probably trying to at all costs protect themselves from being hurt in this situation. No one ever wants to hear someone else cry. So after I've been toying with the idea that this other person is actually trying to protect themselves, and this all is a coping mechanism, no matter how crappy I feel from it, it is what it is. And yes, it hurts me, yes it makes me frustrated that I can not express almost any sort of any emotion other than I would say "bland" with this person without having a negative reaction. But I feel now I am making progress in the part that now I feel sad when this person does this. I feel sad for them and that they only know how to use this coping mechanism.


_______*******_______


Now I would like to vent about my frustration that sometimes I feel like others get all of this amazing help for their medical disabilities, yet I have worked hard to try to raise money etc for very specific medical aids/devices yet get little help from people other then like two people, one of which is my best friend! But I know, and I really truly am sooooooooo Thankful for the help I have received. My best friend helped raise like $250 for my goal of $14,500 for my service dog, but all donations have stopped. The only thing I have now is the donation button here on my blog through paypal and on my website which is the same thing. I guess what just got me frustrated is that I see all of these other people with many people helping them raise their money for their dog, or raise money for PT, surgeries etc. I think we all need help. But then I feel bad, like I am not good enough and I don't deserve the help because I'm just not good enough. But I feel SOOOOO BAD and SOOOO selfish for thinking that I should get help for even one second. I have so many ideas of how I can give back some to my community with my dog after it would change my life, but again I guess from my abuse, I do not feel I deserve help, but I want help so bad. WTF lol. So yeah. Their is my currently shaken not stirred brain for you. 


But as I said on twitter this summer/ fall is about leaving the past behind and finding the future. And most importantly, being ok with that. 


p.s. it is in the weeeee hours of the morning now: "wow... ok I just woke up from a 2 hour nap with the computer on my lap and I was biting my tongue the who time! Ouch! lol Does the biting of the tongue mean something ;p?????? I bit one side over another.... does that mean anything?!?! :D :D I <3 you all

A New Life Gift & Video/Blogathon

      Today my new and very first office of my own is in the final stages of drying before I can move in and really get myself organized and get to work in a private space. We've painted EVERYTHING, and even shampooed the carpet. Soon as I can I will be posting picture of before and during after I move in. I am so excited because it will be a place of my very own. MY OWN. My sanctuary.
      Here I will better be able to take care of myself and be more affective at working with my goals as an Army of Angels! Recently with my meds being changed or not shipped on time I've had problems esp when I'm in a lot of pain. but now I see so much light and I feel it warming my skin. I can close my eyes now and not worry so much all the time.
       I still worry as I always will until I reach a deeper level of healing, I will still hold my breath for half of the day as always. But this feels better than the overwhelming feelings I was having before that left me rendered almost useless. A smile is growing across my face and I like that. Also for those who know, things are settling down for the moment between me and my lover. We had a very very very rough patch, now its just rough, which is much easier. :SQUISHES: and :huggles: to all of you. You all are so powerful and special. Don't forget to go to the blogathon this weekend I'll be there over the late evening hours. The lovely Angel that is doing this is a wonderful person that I talk to all the time and is dear to me. Funny you are all so dear to me even if I don't talk to you. :huggles:
__________________________________________________________
      Don't forget to mark your calander for July 9-10th for my video/blog a thon and try to skip getting coffee 2 times from Starbucks. Remember how the management raped and employee? I haven't heard anything about how they are handling that which is bad HR so I've actually stopped going there all together. But if you save money from two coffees that is like $6- $7-$8 that you could easily donate that you would have already spent that month! I've already made a small donation just because of that. :D And I got a larger donation when I told someone else about that. If you think about it, if you just gave up one coffee a month.........thats $3-$4 bucks x 12........ = so much help to keep the Angela Shelton Foundation ALIVE. 

Angela Shelton Foundation Fundraiser

I know I was not looking my best when I shot this but I had to share my feelings! After all it was in the middle of the night! ;p

Why

NOTE: This posting has negative language in it. It is recommend that it be read by adult readers only.  This posting in no way is representative of the organizations that I support.




This is the year of why. Why the fuck this and why the fuck that. Really why the fuck anything. I usually answer "Just because" but that is not flying any more with me being in my mid twenties with my degree almost in my red hot hands and no job to be herd of or even thought of at this time. My psychologist ( I went with a psychologist this time because the many years of counselors and therapists seem to have gotten me no where so I though yes, Sydney go with the one with a bigger and better degree! Plus you have to pay them more so they have to be better right?????) says to me that I am in a "time of transitioning" and keeps on asking me what I'm going to do with my life. Time and time again I give him some bs answer ( oh yes, my lovely degree is in bs~Love it!) and he just gives me a frown. God dam I would tell him if I fucking knew! But I don't know. Why is that? Why don't I know where the hell I'm going and with who and for how long? I see other people around me in the same point of life ( now many they haven't had the "life experiences cough: being raped etc" like I have ) and they know where they are going and who they are doing. Literally. They are married. I want to be married. I've been in a mono relationship for 7+ years. 7+ years and now, just now we are in couples counseling. Now I love this person so much I believe that no one could understand but :sigh:

Now I would LOVE love to delve into this more but I don't know if my lover will take me if I were to do this. Maybe in the future as I'm trying to be more true on this blog now.

Anyways. So fuckin A. Fucking Y. Why did all of this crap happen to me a long time ago ( the stuff that lead me to Angela Shelton). Am I supposed to do something with it because right now I don't feel like I'm doing a very good job at any of that world. But at the same time I SOOO want to do something. I want to change something. But why?? Why this why that why anything at all?

This change in me being in mucho less pain for the majority of the time has opened my brain and my life again. Before it all I was a leader of men, yes of men. And I was very good at it. Hummm....So now I will just eat cake to dull this question for now.... yumm.

Dear Survivors, Shit to poo its all good

I've noticed again many of you/us have hit another rough patch. It is either a pile of horse crap, (although I do love horses!) or a new pot hole that came out of no where on the highway and you were going 90. Well, bless you Angels. Bless you for all the crap you've been through and all the shit you will go through in the future. Bless you for the power you have obtained by having noses that are much more hard core than the average person and only typically take notice to the herd of skunks that just had a brazilian wax job in front of your nose. You are a warrior with your experience, knowledge and life skills. I've seen you take the horse shit and make it into a beautiful sculpture, then when cold light it for fire, then when it rains use it to help seal the shelter. I've finally come to realize that yes, shit might not shine, but it does have its purpose as poop. You ladies have figured out the 101 ways to use it and be beautiful people at the same time. I love you for that. Thank you for inspiring me to live on in this life with ever raining shit that I've learned to love and call poo.

If you enjoy my posts consider donating to the cause that saved me: http://www.firstgiving.com/sydneysmithaoa

Angela Shelton: The Runaway Bunny

Just for the audio since the video is not working. So cute!

A new small project for Angela Shelton

Hello everyone!

I have a request of all of you who support Angela Shelton and the work of those who support her work. Please send me a JPG only of a STAR!!! I request that the size of the star be no large than 2'' x 4'' approximately give and take. And the size to be no larger than 1 Mb total for the entire email. Please send the email to TheSydneySmithProject -at-gmail.com with the subject line of :STAR SUBMISSION. Submission deadline. NO LATER THAN APRIL 4TH(Sunday)!!!!! As I need time to collect all the pieces and then create the piece and then send it to Angela. I'm trying to get as many as possible but ONLY ONE star PER PERSON.

I came up with idea to make it so YOU are apart of this very special creation. Angela is most likely to be auctioning this item off for the Angela Shelton Fundation ( and if she doesn't I might try too) which helps not only you but our friends and people we have yet to met. I am so thankful to help this cause. It brings me great joy to use my art to help lift up spirits in need of light, love and courage. Please take this step with me. This is just one more way we can make a difference.

The best part will be trying to find your star on the completed piece!

In summary

SUBMISSION GUIDELINES

1. Deadline for all submissions is APRIL 4, 2010 (A Sunday I will hope to get Angela to say something that Sunday to remind you all xing my fingers)

2. The STAR must have no fewer than 5 points but no more than 8.

3. Please keep the image size to about 2'' x 2'' or 2'' x 4''

4. The image MUST be in a jpg.

5. The total size of the email must me at a max 1Mb

6. Only ONE submission PER PERSON

7. Entries will only be accepted at the following email address TheSydneySmithProject -at-gmail.com
Any entries delivered to facebook or other places will be deleted sorry!

8. HAVE FUN! :SQUISH: and :HUGGLES:

what you can do is scan an hand drawn picture and save it on to your computer as a jpg- it will ask you what you would like to save it as ie a jpg, gif etc. select jpg. Save it into a file you will remember then attach it to your email. Don't forget to crop the image!

OR

If you have a tablet you can use that to create your hand drawn star. If all else fails, contact me and we can talk about it. Consider going to your local library first as they will usually let you use their scanners! (I don't really want to give out my home address to have things mailed to me even though I trust you all I'm still trying to protect myself from people from my past)

Oh, ps. today I was sketching out the HAWK DANCES painting. I need to do more landscape research though before I move forward. And with that I can check my color pallet.

And don't forget to feed my fish at the bottom of my page hehe! And lastly I can't wait for my speaking engagement. Super nervous but very very excited. I just wish I could call Angela for a bit and talk to her about how she constructs her speeches and gives them. But I am a very powerful woman, I know with practice I will become better :)


photo from http://hubblesite.org/gallery/album/the_universe/pr2002010c/web/

Happy International Women's Day!

We come in all forms, interests, shapes and colors. Our back grounds vary more so then the colors of the rainbow, but we have one thing binding us all together even if we choose to accept it or not. We are women and girls. No matter our age or race we all have something to give and our socioeconomic status will not stand in our way as we have already proved with much hard work. I am thankful for all the women and girls that have come before me, are here now, and those we will see in the future for the gifts they will bring. Thank you.

photo from http://www.lvlconnection.com/

My path

Somethings in my life were taken away from me without my choice in the matter. But I will not let that hold me back any longer. I'm done with trauma, I don't think about it every day like I used too, my nightmares are controlled now thanks to a medicine I'm on, and I've been asked to speak at a college. So I'm putting on my mudding boots and I'm ready to have a blast and make a mess! I'm going to do what I want, when I want, how I want. And I'm going to join the Angels. For the longest time I was unsure if I would ever qualify to be in the AOA, but now I feel I can take on this honorable duty that I want to fulfill. This is the mud puddle splashing path that I now choose and I am ok with getting a bit dirty. I feel so lucky to be were I am right now in my healing and I want to help others. I have learned so much but will always know I know so little because a smart person always knows their is more to learn in life no matter how many books you read or how old you get. So now I will take my small daggers, throwing stars, and put them to the test for now I will become an Angel not to be recognized nor seen, but to make changes. Now I will not deny that this process will be slow for me as I have health problems, but it will happen and for this I am joyful.

Speech for TBTN

Right now I'm working on my speech for TBTN. I took my vicodin because I'm in so much pain and it seems to be helping me a lot which is nice. I can think now which is great but then I'm mistyping a lot more now :p. Anyways I'm a little unsure of how to go about this speech. I know that they probably want to know my story, but what else are they exactly looking for? I have a lot to offer, its just a matter of getting it down. I can "say" some great stuff in my head when I'm not doubled over in pain. but again its getting from my head to the paper. I've tried Angela Shelton's recommendation of mind mapping for my book and for this speech, but just a second ago I did pretty well without a map. I just pictured myself actually at the event, with everyone there and just went with that. Though I did not go into my story. That is still one of the hardest things for me to do. Yes, I've shared my story many times, but not all at once and in great great detail. I make it more like a grocery list, like yes he did this this and this to me with no emotion attached. Like I need eggs, milk and bread. That is what a therapist told me once (that it was like a shopping list). But I do know how to connect with survivors because I do it all the time, and unfortunately, I don't have enough time to do it so some people feel horrible when I have to not talk to them as frequently as I did when they first came to me as a friend ( which is all I am - I am no professional). But I am trying to spread myself around so I can help everyone. That is why I kind of have stopped one on one and moved more to just blogging. Anyways that was a tangent. Yes, I feel uneasy and super excited about my speaking engagement along side Kim Lee Smith and Angela Shelton this Spring. I just hope I can pull it all together and deliver it well.

I know I will be talking about my theory on light and how everyone is born with it and how it never goes away. See my light post by clicking on light under lables. And I also want to talk about going from survivor to thriver, but I also want to acknowledge the truth of the hardships we have and still will go through, but how we have and still will come out stronger because of it.

Speaking Engagement!

I am happy to announce my first speaking engagement! It is on the East Coast and I will be on the stage along with Kim Lee Smith, and Angela Shelton! I can not wait for spring! It is at a TBTN event at on a college campus. Woot!!! I must practice practice practice! I will try to record it for you all

Affiliate Program

If you are interested in purchasing any of Angela Shelton's products look to the right and click on either the workbook or the other store links! I love her stuff and I will be on the same stage with Angela this spring Woot!

A painting for Hawk Dances

Guess what??! I am using my artistic talents (I am an artists, - I sell my work at small art shows) to help raise money and awareness for BACA and Hawk Dances. I already have a sketch in my head of the layout of the painting and Angela Shelton is going to auction it off! How great is that! I am thinking I will share the birth process of the painting from sketch to finish product. It takes a long time to produce a quality painting. Some of my art pieces has had over 72+ labor hours of work put into them and it isn't even done yet. This one I expect about 30-40 hours depending on how long research takes. Funny thing is one of my best works only took me 2 hours and costs $350. I think it has to do with the love that is put into your work. I've got a lot of love to give so hopefully it will show. I am usually an abstract artist but for this work I am going to go in a more traditional direction. I can't wait to share it with you!

ps. something funny. That piece of work that is worth $350 I did at 2am in the morning when I couldn't sleep and was having nightmares. Go figure. ;p haha

Hawk Dances

Please donate you money to Hawk Dances. It is NOT a non profit. All money is considered a gift to the movie. It is a feature film about Chief a member of BACA (Bikers Against Child Abuse) and his story. Lets help make this movie fly into the hearts and minds of the people that want it but more importantly those that need it. You can give money through paypal here. Lets educate the world about child abuse!

https://www.paypal.com/us/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_flow&SESSION=K0NjT23XQIdt2QDriFL7mdUUNi7B4lTsC4X5Fn5BWFl6jHY-6RySY61ogMy&dispatch=5885d80a13c0db1fc53a056acd1538874a43d73a07f26b2cc3a8a5dff46470e3