Stressed out but I am blessed and thankful

I've been stressed out over the last day I guess. I did not sleep well at all last night if you could say it was sleep at all but I am happy that my partner, my lover, my man is coming home today! It will be wonderful to hold him in my arms again. We had very very little communication while he was gone which we both are not used too other than this one time out of the year so it was both good and bad. It was great having the house to myself and being able to be about when ever I wanted without being concerned of interrupting him, yet who doesn't want to talk and sleep next to their love?! :D With the new iphone 4 I think life will be even easier than it has been with skype and text messaging. When I was little I dreamed of being able to see people your talking to on your phone but I didn't think it would be here already. I know my late grandmother did NOT even think about it as she never even learned how to drive a car! Well I guess she could have ;) I just think that we are blessed to have such technology available to us. (Although I do recognize that many including myself are too poor to actually buy an iphone right now but again at least it is possible!)

Even though I am very stressed I do truly feel blessed in many ways, not just technology. I am blessed to have a family, friends, the health that I do have, shelter, healthcare, food and clean water, access to tools to communicate, education, the freedom, protection, general service that the US provides for its citizens, and so much more the list will go on... I am happy that I am starting just barely to understand what I have and how much I have to be thankful for in my life and for others lives around me. I have it really really really good. Even when I think it is the worst it could ever be, I'm really starting to notice, I have gold in comparison to others on this earth and they feel as if in their life, they have the gold. So I must let go of my complaints of this and that, and appreciate what I have, for others may not and many do not have what I do have. A perspective that I have been fishing for in my life since a child, but only now starting to understand but so happy to do so!

Jewelry and pounding out life's stress

I had a great time yesterday night. I took that beading well - metal stamping class I have been twittering about and I made a pretty neat little pendent with some help. The instructor was really nice and even stayed longer than the a lotted time. I still have many left over blank metal pieces that I don't know what to do with now (because I can't afford to buy a really good set of metal stamps) but ah well. Maybe if I get healthier and stronger I could get the cheap ones that you just beat the sh*t out of lol. I think some of you would LOVE it. Not only for the breadth of creativity- oh Vanessa you would go crazy with it. But Courtney, you would flip out with the fact that you can make some thing beautiful by banging the sh*t out of it. Note it has to be very very very precise banging or it will not turn out correct. So (lol) this is like therapy: say you are so frustrated that you are having to deal with 20 million different things as a survivor. Well, with metal stamping, you can write out what is bothering you. Choose one thing because you have to be precise, and just wham, wham, wham! It is on the metal and not inside of you any more. You can visually see it, tactually feel it, and if you do it long enough maybe even improve your aim. Your issue is now not an issue because you dealt with it in art, yes loud, some what violent art, but its not hurting you or anyone else, its actually making you and the world more beautiful.

I just thought of this "therapy." When I was in my class I only thought of yes you could vent with this maybe but you have to be so precise you really need to concentrate. I think this is why my mind needed time to see that if it was to work as an art therapy you could only work in your mind on one issue just as you are only working on one letter or symbol at a time. If you do more your likely to slip up or miss spell your work! That is not what I'm looking for ;)

Ok, well I should take a nap. My back is really really hurting. Oh I'm still working on getting my service dog but I may just give up soon due to lack of funding. I'll talk more about that later I guess. :huggles: to you all. Fly high!

I'm on a journey of change.

I bet you all have been wondering what I've been up too. Well some of the things I've been up to lately has been prep work for the Video&Blog-a-thon that will happen on July 9th at 5pm PT/8pm EST for the Angela Shelton Foundation. My goal right now is to raise $800.00 for the foundation. I've been working on blog posts to share and they are in draft mode right now which is why you can not see them yet. So on my side its been a lot of work, and I see it, but you unfortunately do not yet! But that is all the fun about the fundraiser. I am very committed to the Angela Shelton Foundation as Angela Shelton and the Foundation has changed my life. Maybe, if I am a strong woman, I will share part of this during my v/blog-a-thon.
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You know that amazing handmade soap I always talk about??

      Guess what? You know that amazing handmade natural soap that is bio-degradeable, comes in many scents and are just flat out beautiful that I tweet and post on here some times? Well their is a small contest: check it out by clicking here: My favorite at the moment that I want to try first personally is the Oatmeal-Almond Handsoap w/ honey, coconut milk and more natural ingredients. I'll tell you more about other of DeShawnMarie's creations. I "talk" with her pretty frequently and she is a really kind person on that front so yes, please buy from her! And finally she seems like a kick ass powerful woman! She has made her name from the start to the point that her business supports her fully and it is her full time job! :D

Hour 2

Angela Shelton Foundation Month Long Blog-a-thon

Title: I'm more than good enough!
Post photography by: Steven Shires | Pixel Pro Shop


Please donate $ to the Angela Shelton Foundation if you get anything from this or any of my other articles this month-July 10th! Thank you. Click here to donate! To see Angela Shelton's private website click here
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I know from stats and experience that their must be some of you in the mists of abuse this very moment- this very second. Let it be in some sort (let it be sexual, physical, emotional, financial, ++) of very negative situation and are fighting for not only your life but possibly even others you care about. This post is for those who have gone through the journey of healing and those in any other point in their journey from being victimized, to survivorship, to thriving.

"The idea is that everyone would discuss the below so all sides would hear points to help make sense of the healing process and also acknowledge community and likeness that can show up through out specific stages of healing."~Sydney Smith from Angels Undercover and Undiscovered AUU

Question to those who see themselves as confident survivors and thrivers
1. List 3 things: If their were up to 3 things you could change (anything) in your HEALING process NOT THE ABUSE OR ASSAULT, what would it be and why?


2. If their was one thing you could change (anything) in your HEALING process what would it be and why?


3. If you can change this thing now (if you already have not done so) would you do so? What problems do you see, and feel with doing that? What positive feelings do you have?


*4. If you could tell yourself something in the very beginning of your healing process what would you say to yourself?


Questions for current victims. This means you are currently being abused. Once the abuse stops you are no longer a victim you are a survivor no "paper work" needed. *smiles*
1. Did any thing that the survivors or thrivers say about their past sound similar to what you experienced in one way or another at all? 


2. If yes to number 1, in what ways did you feel/sound similar?


3. What is different?


     The point I am making here is that new and old survivors of all kinds of abuse are equal in this world. We all have looked hell in the eyes and have come back out a live in one level of healing or another. But the most important thing is that we all must help each other. NOW THAT ALSO INCLUDES THOSE PEOPLE WHO THINK THEY ARE NOT AFFECTED. Haha I laugh when I hear people say that. I just want to say ok well guess what? I bet one of your best friends was raped, another molested for years,  and much much more. This is why the Angela Shelton Foundation is working very hard to bring awareness to everyone all over the world- it is a PANDEMIC - sorry Angela lol its not an epidemic, that is just small outbreaks in specific areas and surely not nation wide let alone sadly WORLD WIDE. And as Angela Shelton has said many times, this is a PEOPLE PROBLEM, not a woman's issues. Men are raped and abused all the time too. I ask that you please remember that as well as your phone number! :D We must work together to take down the Beast. 

Angela Shelton Foundation Hour 3

Angela Shelton Foundation Month Long Blog-a-thon


Title: I'm more than good enough!
Post photography by: Steven Shires | Pixel Pro Shop


Please donate $ to the Angela Shelton Foundation if you get anything from this or any of my other articles this month-July 10th! Thank you. Click here to donate! To see Angela Shelton's private website click here.


Dear survivor of;


(The not so pleasant things)

• 1. The western's world pressure on women to be thin and beautiful, and sexy 24-7
• 2. Physical disabilities
• 3. Emotional disorders (most caused by something listed later or society)
• 4. Graduating from a semi-broken University
• 5. Having family (a wonderful one though) that lacked emotional output as in hugs frequently
• 6. Learning disabilities that were never tested and treated until I requested it in college after my difficult math course because I could tell no one was having as much difficultly as me and I was also flipping numbers. Also my professor said that I might have a LD so I should get tested and be extra careful on exams esp. until then :p. I was only able to be tested after that course was over and I was at least 1+ standard deviations away from my IQ! 112-124?= IQ while Math= 75 which is or one point away from MR! 
• 7. Being in an abusive relationship for too long. It wasn't even that long but then their was the aftermath. 
• 8. In this abusive relationship, the physical abuse
• 9. In this abusive relationship, the emotional abuse like I am stupid when he was the stupid one 
• 10. In this abusive relationship, the still hard to even type sexual abuse and r word, rape. I said it. good for me! 

The point here is I SURVIVED IT AND...

(Pleasant things..)

• 1. I am actually pretty
• 2. I am not "fat"
• 3. Someone in the world cares or is affected by something I do
• 4. I am loved... I am loved... I am loved (creating new neuro pathways hehe ;D)
• 5. I love that I have a family that cares a lot about me
• 6. I am an Artist
• 7. I love having my sever chronic pain managed somewhat for the moment
• 8. I love having a partner/ significant other/bf that cares a lot about me
• 9. I love my ability to connect with animals
• 10. I love that I know I have LIGHT inside me that will never ever go away, that will always be there even if I don't feel it, that I can always work to rekindle my light, and help others find their light that they have that also will never go away even if they think they have never felt it before.
• 11. I enjoy friendships even when I feel horrible for not having enough time for them. 
• 12. I love horseback riding and the feeling of connection between myself and the horse. Also the independence and freedom once in the saddle. <3
• 13. I love Mother Earth
• 14. I love that I know I have already LOVED much not mention and I love that I know that I will LOVE MUCH MORE!

      That is the past, I have faced it head on, eye to eye, heart to heart. I've dived deep down into my past's soul and come out not just SURVIVING but THRIVING.        ~YES THRIVING!!!!!

      This achievement in my life that I once felt was a personal disaster happened due to the following people and organizations in order by date: My boy friend, my (good) counselors, my University's women's center, TBTN, The Clothesline Project, Angela Shelton, some of my Professors, The Glass Breaking Project, Army of Angels, and all the other survivors through A.S. and other places. Thank you and others that I did not mention for specific reasons. You have changed a life. I have finally given up somethings that I thought were right if a person tells you so. (ie. Your stupid- from my Abuser). Well I am now free from that, I am "me", whom ever I wish to be! And I am a smart beautiful person ~Sydney Smith

      Consequently now I'm on the search of who I am and want to be now that I am not Stupid, fat and ugly! I'm so excited! I know it won't be easy but I pray I have gone threw the hardest part. I posted this photograph by Steven Shires that he made for AUU. I think this is very representative of what this process is. I'm just trying to climb one mountain at a time..... it should be easier that way and should not be so daunting looking at one compared to the range. Thank you Steven! If anyone would like a print of this photo you can either contact Steven Shires yourself at the website that I have linked in this post or on my coffee lounge. I think it would be nice to have in an office don't you think?!

How do you work with hard to work with ppl?

      Their are always times when each of us has well... a stick up our butt, woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning, and just those that should plain as day go back to bed and start the F* over. I've been their many many times myself, and I've actually HAVE GONE BACK TO BED to restart my day lol. But my question is what do you do with people that you can not send back to bed ( lol wouldn't it be nice if you could send your boss to time out or bed time? or in college or Dean or a Professor to do the same?) ?
      So you would think since I AM one of these people some of the time I would understand how to help them. That is how it works for most other things. But here I stand clueless. I've tried to just continued to be who and what I was doing at the time, other times I've tried to help the person see how powerful they are and that works for a moment to snap them out of it and then it just makes them pissed off like "why the f* are YOU telling ME to be powerful you F*!" Most of the time I just leave them alone, but just a moment ago I was trying to help my Significant Other get out of the funk he has been in all day by asking him if he could try to be powerful. He then got mad blah blah. *** Note he has asked me to ask him to be powerful when he gets like this.
      Now I feel screwed over. Damed if I do, slightly less damed if I don't only that I will not get direct blame for trying to "fix" it on top of what ever else is going on that is irratiating him at the moment due to the stick still securely placed. Does anyone an answer to what I could do other than leave the area with my S.O.? That is just what happens and I hate it. Why do I hate it so much? Because its a form of rejecting him, and it does NOT work when you are traveling AT ALL and I've tried lol.
      So in all this is my question to you, how do you deal with difficult people? How does it affect you? How does it make you feel- do you have panic attacks when things go wrong as I do sometimes? Are you ok with these situations or would you rather deflect them? Please feel free to leave comments in the comments right below this post!

    

Equal Pay Act: 47 Years Later

Equal Pay Act: 47 Years Later

Apparently I'm missing out on $1 million over my life span because I have a vagina! :( At least I'm working on being the most true to myself person I can be which will give me much more than money ever can. In time, if men say something about how women should be paid equally for the SAME work, the bill stubs should come closer. At least I pray. I used to think a major part of it was that many women took off for Maternity leave but now their is Paternity leave too and many men are taking that off to help with the baby which is usually quite needed so I do not even see an ugly backing to a persons reason to discriminate and or garnish wages from the start. I do love the blog feministcampus for its interesting articles!