I'm glad I don't feel this way anymore- I've moved on to hope

This post is from an old blog I had. I am thankful I do not feel this way anymore. At least it has not come up for me in many months. I am very very thankful for this. But I do feel that it is important to share this because it shows where I've come from, to compare to were I am now. The change, and the beauty in that. Now I have power and light that is more easily accessible to me. That brings me much joy.

"Never Believed

How can I ever trust if I am never believed? Why and where should I go with this? I feel like an idiot. Like a puppy dog that follows its abusive owner around and loves it unconditionally not knowing that it will soon beat the shit out of it. I am that puppy. I fall into trusting people, then in time, I get the shit beatten out of me from the misuse of my trust in them. I'm tired of being used and abused. I don't want to be the sweet puppy anymore. Its just not safe even if it is in my nature to be kind and all trusting giving people the benefit of doubt. I've just been burned every single time. Every time. So really, how can one trust anyone in this treppid world? Are we just supposed to go cold as stone and never let anyone in as I now dare to be, or rather open ourselves up for being abused time and time again? Do I have to choose between the lesser of two evils? I must still be a little girl inside, begging for a world full of goodness. Such a lie, the wool was pulled over my eyes and stitched down in hopes of protection only to hurt me in the end."