Vacation : Oil : Efficiency : Healing : Helping : Healing : Rescue

*********Please read the "Read Me" at the bottom of the page before reading this post. Thank you! :Huggles: ~Sydney Smith ************

      I just got back from a great vacation that was desperately needed for not only myself but my relationship with my lover. We went to a local, well... semi local beach and just did whatever we wanted. Other than being there with some other people we normally would choose not to hang out with it was great! The weather was perfect, we had a pool for the first time and a hot tub. I even got a little bit of sun for my vit D deficiency that I am suspected to have. We even splurged the first time in years and bought a nice seafood dinner! 1/2 pound of the following for my meal : clams, shrimp, crab legs! I surly could not eat it all and sadly had to leave almost half if it behind at the beach house w/ the other ppl to eat as we left a little early to beat some traffic. But the real point of this point other than to inform you of my absence once again (which I view as ok because it is self care and every one of you should be doing so- please please be taking good- no magnificent care of yourself because you are Angels! Don't forget who you are and what you deserve)
...... Again the point of this post is to tell you that this vacation really helped me heal even a little bit more and rejuvenated my very burned out and tired soul. I know many of you do SO MUCH for the cause let alone every thing you do for others such as your family members, friends, loved ones, and other survivors let alone the crap from random people. I want to let you know that taking a BREAK is a GOOD THING. It is HEALTHY for you and who you are trying to help in the first place esp.

      Why do you ask? I think it is kind of like running on really dirty rusty very very old engine oil. It still "works" but it definitely works a lot better. The car runs more efficiency, runs faster, and is much more reliable. The car is even cleaner and will have a longer, healthier life span. Some might say " So what I am doing just fine how I am right now, plus I don't have the money or time to go on any sort of vacation right now. I'm just to busy and poor and everyone needs me."

      Well I'll tell you, at least from my practice, if that is your response your in the most need of a vacation. Your holding up / supporting so much in your life that it can just suck someone bone dry in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. A respite / vacation is like a Rx for life if done right. Note: IF done correctly.

      They can be the "reset" button for your soul and mind so you are not weathered down to see the fossils that remain underneath your rock. It feeds light to your fire in backwards ways that you do not notice until much later if at all. It helps you be the you you wish and want to be. If you want and choose to help others so be it, this will help. If you wish to build another Eiffel tower it too will help.

      A respite / vacation is all about helping yourself FIRST. Yes you MUST HELP YOURSELF FIRST. If you are injured, not working well, efficiently, or are broken how will you do anything at all?? This is the ideology used in medicine when coming upon any medical scene. In order to help others you must first help yourself.  :Huggles: ~Sydney S.

*******READ ME PLEASE: I personally very much know how hard this(and all posts) is to take in and understand. This is all my opinion and is to be taken only as an opinion which every single person hase a valid equal one. I just write these posts in hopes my many years of  "experience" can mean something for at least one person. That will make me feel a lot better about all the crap I've been through. *************

More Than Thank You

This is a message stating that I am much more than thankful for the help, donations and awareness that was created over this weekend. It was beautiful and powerful even with major computer difficulties. All of you are troopers and givers. Please recognize yourself everyday for that. You have helped to change the world one day at a time. It is a blessing to me to be a part of this foundation, as I stated many times last night? (it feels like last night for me but was also Friday!) this is a people problem, and we need to come together to work on it now. You all have stepped up and with your actions said I am doing something about it, and that, that is what makes change, and what makes me cry tears of joy.

I remember when I was a "fresh" survivor I searched on the internet for hours for any sort of help, and in the first couple years I found little. Now someone can type in a simple search and probably find the Angela Shelton Foundation; Survivor Manual; and the Army of Angels. This is has and will change lives, including our own lives even more so from helping organizations that we truly believe in. I am so beyond happy to know that the ASF is here, and with our work here to stay. Remember when we discussed if someone was watching and they were currently being abused children and adults - one of you said what would it be like to help just one person tonight? Well I will tell you that we might have and that would be more than amazing, but with the donations (and those who help those donations become a reality) we are helping people 24 hours a day 7 days a week 365. Cool right? But we can't stop here, we have so many great ideas and with the power and light of the people associated with the foundation, who knows what I can do? What can we do next and how can we improve what we have?

I <3 you all and don't forget my web hugs. They are authentic. <3 ~Sydney Smith

Open our eyes to all Angela Shelton Foundation Hour 5

Open your eyes to the world around you. There is joy, sorrow, pain, health, happiness, love, hate. It is your choice to let in what you wish into your life most of the time. Sometimes, it is forced upon us in such cases as rape, violence and abuse of all kinds, but what is most important is how we handle it in the end.

For so long I blamed myself, then I blamed my family then I blamed myself again, then the world, and all at the same time men (MEN ARE RAPED TOO!!!) but through my healing years at least 7 now, I have finally come to realize it is not about who is to blame or really why. It is what I do with it. If I choose to sit on my butt and point fingers am I actually moving any where? Well I tried that and it did not work. Then I decided to give up, but then that got overwhelming (yes doing nothing can be overwhelming) and I knew I had to change something. Then I blamed someone or something or myself again and again until I had blamed all alive. That was when I was at the bottom.... scrapping for any hope. I then was litterally hopeless. Luckily for me I had a special package coming in the mail for me from a fellow survivor of horror.

Angela Shelton Foundation Hour 4

I just told my story for the first time. Yes, I could actually be harmed from doing this, but it is worth it for getting awareness out for old, new and unforuntately to come survivors?

Hour 3 Angela Shelton Bloga-thon

Angela Shelton Foundation Month Long Blog-a-thon

Title: I'm more than good enough!

Post photography by: Steven Shires | Pixel Pro Shop

Please donate $ to the Angela Shelton Foundation if you get anything from this or any of my other articles this month-July 10th! Thank you. Click here to donate! To see Angela Shelton's private website click here.

Dear survivor of;

(The not so pleasant things)

• 1. The western's world pressure on women to be thin and beautiful, and sexy 24-7
• 2. Physical disabilities
• 3. Emotional disorders (most caused by something listed later or society)
• 4. Graduating from a semi-broken University
• 5. Having family (a wonderful one though) that lacked emotional output as in hugs frequently
• 6. Learning disabilities that were never tested and treated until I requested it in college after my difficult math course because I could tell no one was having as much difficultly as me and I was also flipping numbers. Also my professor said that I might have a LD so I should get tested and be extra careful on exams esp. until then :p. I was only able to be tested after that course was over and I was at least 1+ standard deviations away from my IQ! 112-124?= IQ while Math= 75 which is or one point away from MR! 
• 7. Being in an abusive relationship for too long. It wasn't even that long but then their was the aftermath. 
• 8. In this abusive relationship, the physical abuse
• 9. In this abusive relationship, the emotional abuse like I am stupid when he was the stupid one 
• 10. In this abusive relationship, the still hard to even type sexual abuse and r word, rape. I said it. good for me! 

The point here is I SURVIVED IT AND...

(Pleasant things..)

• 1. I am actually pretty
• 2. I am not "fat"
• 3. Someone in the world cares or is affected by something I do
• 4. I am loved... I am loved... I am loved (creating new neuro pathways hehe ;D)
• 5. I love that I have a family that cares a lot about me
• 6. I am an Artist
• 7. I love having my sever chronic pain managed somewhat for the moment
• 8. I love having a partner/ significant other/bf that cares a lot about me
• 9. I love my ability to connect with animals
• 10. I love that I know I have LIGHT inside me that will never ever go away, that will always be there even if I don't feel it, that I can always work to rekindle my light, and help others find their light that they have that also will never go away even if they think they have never felt it before.
• 11. I enjoy friendships even when I feel horrible for not having enough time for them. 
• 12. I love horseback riding and the feeling of connection between myself and the horse. Also the independence and freedom once in the saddle. <3
• 13. I love Mother Earth
• 14. I love that I know I have already LOVED much not mention and I love that I know that I will LOVE MUCH MORE!

      That is the past, I have faced it head on, eye to eye, heart to heart. I've dived deep down into my past's soul and come out not just SURVIVING but THRIVING.        ~YES THRIVING!!!!!

      This achievement in my life that I once felt was a personal disaster happened due to the following people and organizations in order by date: My boy friend, my (good) counselors, my University's women's center, TBTN, The Clothesline Project, Angela Shelton, some of my Professors, The Glass Breaking Project, Army of Angels, and all the other survivors through A.S. and other places. Thank you and others that I did not mention for specific reasons. You have changed a life. I have finally given up somethings that I thought were right if a person tells you so. (ie. Your stupid- from my Abuser). Well I am now free from that, I am "me", whom ever I wish to be! And I am a smart beautiful person ~Sydney Smith

      Consequently now I'm on the search of who I am and want to be now that I am not Stupid, fat and ugly! I'm so excited! I know it won't be easy but I pray I have gone threw the hardest part. I posted this photograph by Steven Shires that he made for AUU. I think this is very representative of what this process is. I'm just trying to climb one mountain at a time..... it should be easier that way and should not be so daunting looking at one compared to the range. Thank you Steven! If anyone would like a print of this photo you can either contact Steven Shires yourself at the website that I have linked in this post or on my coffee lounge. I think it would be nice to have in an office don't you think?!

Welcome to the July Angela Shelton Blog-a-thon! Hour 1

Welcome, Greetings, Hi, Yo, *Lift your chin up*,

      You, yes YOU are apart of an amazing thing just by reading this. YEAH, lol Its going to be a dynamic 24 hours full of fun, learning, awareness, and just being authentic. I am raising money for the Angela Shelton Foundation and associated Army of Angels so we can remain a 501-c3 ( Non Profit) and help those who have been affected by sexual violence/abuse/trauma become beautiful complete people once again. Please click here to read more... I will be on video.... Lick! DONATE

http://www.firstgiving.com/sydneysmithaoa

Stressed out but I am blessed and thankful

I've been stressed out over the last day I guess. I did not sleep well at all last night if you could say it was sleep at all but I am happy that my partner, my lover, my man is coming home today! It will be wonderful to hold him in my arms again. We had very very little communication while he was gone which we both are not used too other than this one time out of the year so it was both good and bad. It was great having the house to myself and being able to be about when ever I wanted without being concerned of interrupting him, yet who doesn't want to talk and sleep next to their love?! :D With the new iphone 4 I think life will be even easier than it has been with skype and text messaging. When I was little I dreamed of being able to see people your talking to on your phone but I didn't think it would be here already. I know my late grandmother did NOT even think about it as she never even learned how to drive a car! Well I guess she could have ;) I just think that we are blessed to have such technology available to us. (Although I do recognize that many including myself are too poor to actually buy an iphone right now but again at least it is possible!)

Even though I am very stressed I do truly feel blessed in many ways, not just technology. I am blessed to have a family, friends, the health that I do have, shelter, healthcare, food and clean water, access to tools to communicate, education, the freedom, protection, general service that the US provides for its citizens, and so much more the list will go on... I am happy that I am starting just barely to understand what I have and how much I have to be thankful for in my life and for others lives around me. I have it really really really good. Even when I think it is the worst it could ever be, I'm really starting to notice, I have gold in comparison to others on this earth and they feel as if in their life, they have the gold. So I must let go of my complaints of this and that, and appreciate what I have, for others may not and many do not have what I do have. A perspective that I have been fishing for in my life since a child, but only now starting to understand but so happy to do so!

Jewelry and pounding out life's stress

I had a great time yesterday night. I took that beading well - metal stamping class I have been twittering about and I made a pretty neat little pendent with some help. The instructor was really nice and even stayed longer than the a lotted time. I still have many left over blank metal pieces that I don't know what to do with now (because I can't afford to buy a really good set of metal stamps) but ah well. Maybe if I get healthier and stronger I could get the cheap ones that you just beat the sh*t out of lol. I think some of you would LOVE it. Not only for the breadth of creativity- oh Vanessa you would go crazy with it. But Courtney, you would flip out with the fact that you can make some thing beautiful by banging the sh*t out of it. Note it has to be very very very precise banging or it will not turn out correct. So (lol) this is like therapy: say you are so frustrated that you are having to deal with 20 million different things as a survivor. Well, with metal stamping, you can write out what is bothering you. Choose one thing because you have to be precise, and just wham, wham, wham! It is on the metal and not inside of you any more. You can visually see it, tactually feel it, and if you do it long enough maybe even improve your aim. Your issue is now not an issue because you dealt with it in art, yes loud, some what violent art, but its not hurting you or anyone else, its actually making you and the world more beautiful.

I just thought of this "therapy." When I was in my class I only thought of yes you could vent with this maybe but you have to be so precise you really need to concentrate. I think this is why my mind needed time to see that if it was to work as an art therapy you could only work in your mind on one issue just as you are only working on one letter or symbol at a time. If you do more your likely to slip up or miss spell your work! That is not what I'm looking for ;)

Ok, well I should take a nap. My back is really really hurting. Oh I'm still working on getting my service dog but I may just give up soon due to lack of funding. I'll talk more about that later I guess. :huggles: to you all. Fly high!